Parenting is rough work. Its a serious loss of sleep, stress wondering why he is crying when he is dry and full. Its forgetting the wipes for the diaper bag and not being prepared for the diaper explosion or the puke-fest.
No one prepares you for the physical damage that they can do. I am not talking about gaining 70lbs or the banging of my head on the wall because I cant fit into my jeans. No, I am talking about my newly acquired broken nose.
Those of you without children are asking "how can you break your nose while holding a 8 week old baby?"
Those of you with children know how dangerous their head butts can be.
Sage cracked me in the nose a week ago, resulting in a bump, its changing color and it hurts to blow my nose (which isnt any fun when I have a sinus infection).
So my son has claimed his first victory.....over my nose.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
My Bucket List
Have you ever heard of a "Bucket List"? Many people hadnt until a movie of the same name came out a few years ago. Suddenly, people were thinking about their personal lists. I was one of those people.
Happily, I have checked a few items off my list....horseback riding and staying in a castle in Ireland, skydiving and going on a cattle drive (that one I get to do all the time now :-)
Here is the rest of my list. I am hoping if I keep it written down, and publish it for everyone to read, then I will have that much more motivation to make it all happen.
Ride horses in Ireland, visit an Irish castle DONE - October 2006
Skydiving - DONE - July 25, 2004
Go on a cattle drive - DONE (several times and will continue)
Break out a horse from start to finish
See a real herd of Buffalo in their natural element
Shoot a BIG BUCK
See the Northern Lights in Yellowknife, NWT
Fish for Halibut in Alaska
Ski Banff in Alberta
Ski Whistler in British Columbia
Ski the peaks of Arapahoe (Colorado)
Ride a horse in New Zealand
Go back to Ireland with Shawn, ride horses along the Cliffs of Mohr
See a Wolf in its natural environment
Build a house
Win a buckle
Go ghost hunting
Run a 10k (since I hate running, this is a big one)
Visit all 50 states and DC (got 19 of 'em done)
This list can and will be edited as I come up with more items for my list! My challenge now is for you to sit down and write your own Bucket List. You may be suprised at the things that are on there and the stuff that you have already accomplished.
Happily, I have checked a few items off my list....horseback riding and staying in a castle in Ireland, skydiving and going on a cattle drive (that one I get to do all the time now :-)
Here is the rest of my list. I am hoping if I keep it written down, and publish it for everyone to read, then I will have that much more motivation to make it all happen.
Ride horses in Ireland, visit an Irish castle DONE - October 2006
Skydiving - DONE - July 25, 2004
Go on a cattle drive - DONE (several times and will continue)
Break out a horse from start to finish
See a real herd of Buffalo in their natural element
Shoot a BIG BUCK
See the Northern Lights in Yellowknife, NWT
Fish for Halibut in Alaska
Ski Banff in Alberta
Ski Whistler in British Columbia
Ski the peaks of Arapahoe (Colorado)
Ride a horse in New Zealand
Go back to Ireland with Shawn, ride horses along the Cliffs of Mohr
See a Wolf in its natural environment
Build a house
Win a buckle
Go ghost hunting
Run a 10k (since I hate running, this is a big one)
Visit all 50 states and DC (got 19 of 'em done)
This list can and will be edited as I come up with more items for my list! My challenge now is for you to sit down and write your own Bucket List. You may be suprised at the things that are on there and the stuff that you have already accomplished.
Monday, December 21, 2009
The Christmas List
Every year the town newspaper, The Arthur Enterprise, puts out a special Christmas edition. This includes a section where all the children of the elementary write letters to Santa or a Christmas story and/or a special memory.
Only in the town of Arthur can you have everychild in the elementary write a letter to Santa and have it published in the newspaper :-)
The Kindergarteners, First and Second graders all did letters to Santa. Most of the kids did 4-5 sentences asking a question to Santa and then of course, their christmas wishes.
True to form, Piper Kate wrote a column. Here it is:
Dear Santa,
How are the reindeer? I can say all there names? Here I go Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comit, Cupid, Doner and Blitzen. Oh I forgot the most specialist is one Rudolph. We have a poem for the name Rudolph her it goes Rudolph the red nose reindeer has a very shiny nose like a light bulb? Do you like it? I hope you did. What is Mrs. Claus's name? I forgot one reindeers name Blitzen. How is it ths year out there? Can I meet all the reindeer. Can I have some costumes and the barbie house that has a elevators and polly pocket set with the dolphins. Oh I forgot I want some outfits with maching shoes. I cannot find all of my dtmins*. I wish I could find them. Can you get me some new markers and crayons the kind of markers is Sharpie and the kind of crayons is washable cran.
By Piper deBeauclair.
*I think dtmins is mittens because she has lost 1 of each pair that she has :-)
I really like how she wants a sharpie but washable crayons.
Only in the town of Arthur can you have everychild in the elementary write a letter to Santa and have it published in the newspaper :-)
The Kindergarteners, First and Second graders all did letters to Santa. Most of the kids did 4-5 sentences asking a question to Santa and then of course, their christmas wishes.
True to form, Piper Kate wrote a column. Here it is:
Dear Santa,
How are the reindeer? I can say all there names? Here I go Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comit, Cupid, Doner and Blitzen. Oh I forgot the most specialist is one Rudolph. We have a poem for the name Rudolph her it goes Rudolph the red nose reindeer has a very shiny nose like a light bulb? Do you like it? I hope you did. What is Mrs. Claus's name? I forgot one reindeers name Blitzen. How is it ths year out there? Can I meet all the reindeer. Can I have some costumes and the barbie house that has a elevators and polly pocket set with the dolphins. Oh I forgot I want some outfits with maching shoes. I cannot find all of my dtmins*. I wish I could find them. Can you get me some new markers and crayons the kind of markers is Sharpie and the kind of crayons is washable cran.
By Piper deBeauclair.
*I think dtmins is mittens because she has lost 1 of each pair that she has :-)
I really like how she wants a sharpie but washable crayons.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Best of both worlds
Today we are taking Piper to Denver where she will meet up with Uncle Troy so he can accompany her on her flight back to Michigan for Christmas. This is the first Christmas I wont see her at all. Its hard for all of us but we are getting more used to it.
Piper is not acting out like she did for the Thanksgiving trip....she isnt having fits all the time and she actually said she is looking forward to spending sometime up there. Some people ask me if that makes me upset, that she is looking forward to her time in Michigan with her dad and step-mom. My question is why would it? I guess I can see where they would be coming from, they think that I want her to be miserable when she goes so she will stop wanting to go. my answer to that is what kind of a mom would I be if I wanted my daughter to be miserable at anytime in her life? I dont think that would make me a very good person if that is what I hoped for.
Instead, I hope she has fantastic time! I really do. If she cant be with me, which she cant, then that isnt going to stop me from wanting her to have the best time possible with the rest of her family.
This is the way it is....its part of the outcome from the decisions that were made to move, which I do not regret at all. The life she has in Lansing with her dad and step-mom is not a life for me. I lived in the city, I did the mall thing, the traffic thing, the constant noise, sirens, crime, locking of doors, barking animals, obnoxious neighbors...been there, done that and it isnt for us. That doenst mean that it is bad or wrong. It just isnt the life that Shawn and I want to live. On the flip side, her dad wouldnt be happy where we are living now....with the closest neighbors 2 miles away, more cattle then people in town, the closest mall 90 minutes away, the closest town 45 minutes away. The only noise I hear at night at the cows mooing and the coyotes yipping. That isnt a life that he would be comfortable with, however I wouldnt trade it for anything.
My point is that Piper is extrememly loved by 2 very different people. Instead of looking at it like "oh my, she has to go to the city and be around the crowds and traffic and noise", I choose to see it as her having the rare opportunity to experience 2 completely different lifestyles. She is a city kid in the summer and a ranch kid in the school year. She can hit up the mall in July and ride her horse in March. When she starts to look at schools for college, should she want to attend a big school, she wont have the culture shock that so many small town kids experience when moving to a large city for the first time. She will have that experience already.
Piper is an incredibly resilient child and while it is hard for her to leave us, the most traumatic part is just that, the leaving. When she gets to Michigan, she is fine. She has a great time, she enjoys being around her family and friends. I also know that it is hard for her to leave Michigan and come home but once she gets here, she tells me she never wants to leave again.
She is 7 years old and has alot to deal with but she is doing it. And she is doing great. She is thriving in school, has a ton of friends, is outside playing more then ever before. She loves to chase her dogs, she LIVES to ride her horse, she enjoys helping Shawn feed or cake the cows. She is a great kid, who has her moments but they are just that...moments. Each moment results in the creation of a memory and her memory will be full of experiences in Nebraska and Michigan. Its hard now, but it gets easier each time. She is lucky...so many kids dont ever get out of their hometowns while she has 2 homes that will result in double the memories!!
Piper is not acting out like she did for the Thanksgiving trip....she isnt having fits all the time and she actually said she is looking forward to spending sometime up there. Some people ask me if that makes me upset, that she is looking forward to her time in Michigan with her dad and step-mom. My question is why would it? I guess I can see where they would be coming from, they think that I want her to be miserable when she goes so she will stop wanting to go. my answer to that is what kind of a mom would I be if I wanted my daughter to be miserable at anytime in her life? I dont think that would make me a very good person if that is what I hoped for.
Instead, I hope she has fantastic time! I really do. If she cant be with me, which she cant, then that isnt going to stop me from wanting her to have the best time possible with the rest of her family.
This is the way it is....its part of the outcome from the decisions that were made to move, which I do not regret at all. The life she has in Lansing with her dad and step-mom is not a life for me. I lived in the city, I did the mall thing, the traffic thing, the constant noise, sirens, crime, locking of doors, barking animals, obnoxious neighbors...been there, done that and it isnt for us. That doenst mean that it is bad or wrong. It just isnt the life that Shawn and I want to live. On the flip side, her dad wouldnt be happy where we are living now....with the closest neighbors 2 miles away, more cattle then people in town, the closest mall 90 minutes away, the closest town 45 minutes away. The only noise I hear at night at the cows mooing and the coyotes yipping. That isnt a life that he would be comfortable with, however I wouldnt trade it for anything.
My point is that Piper is extrememly loved by 2 very different people. Instead of looking at it like "oh my, she has to go to the city and be around the crowds and traffic and noise", I choose to see it as her having the rare opportunity to experience 2 completely different lifestyles. She is a city kid in the summer and a ranch kid in the school year. She can hit up the mall in July and ride her horse in March. When she starts to look at schools for college, should she want to attend a big school, she wont have the culture shock that so many small town kids experience when moving to a large city for the first time. She will have that experience already.
Piper is an incredibly resilient child and while it is hard for her to leave us, the most traumatic part is just that, the leaving. When she gets to Michigan, she is fine. She has a great time, she enjoys being around her family and friends. I also know that it is hard for her to leave Michigan and come home but once she gets here, she tells me she never wants to leave again.
She is 7 years old and has alot to deal with but she is doing it. And she is doing great. She is thriving in school, has a ton of friends, is outside playing more then ever before. She loves to chase her dogs, she LIVES to ride her horse, she enjoys helping Shawn feed or cake the cows. She is a great kid, who has her moments but they are just that...moments. Each moment results in the creation of a memory and her memory will be full of experiences in Nebraska and Michigan. Its hard now, but it gets easier each time. She is lucky...so many kids dont ever get out of their hometowns while she has 2 homes that will result in double the memories!!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Santa and Coyotes
What a crazy weekend in the Hanna household!! Oh my, I needed Monday to come so that things kinda got back to normal.
I use the term "normal" very loosely.
Friday: scouting for deer/shooting at coyotes (he missed), dinner with the fam at the bar and home.
Saturday: Santa pancake supper in town. This could have been extrememly traumatic because Piper is terrified of Santa however since her baby brother was such a big boy she sucked it up and went to talk to Santa. Should Imention she wouldnt go over there until Sage did first.....I dont know, maybe she was waiting to see if Santa would eat Sage or not. Trust my child (the little one) to be the one to get his fingers wrapped into Santa's beard..that was close but managed to keep Santa's secret :-)
Sunday: Jaycen James Hanna is 2 (and every bit of it) and his birthday party was Sunday. It was fun, great food and good times with family. Jayce is cute as can be and an ornery little shit to boot!
On our way home I was thinking what an uneventful say Sunday was compared to Friday and Saturday (which really werent that eventful, Sunday was just that boring).
I spoke 3 minutes to soon......
The dogs were FLIPPING OUT which isnt really anything that new, but they didnt stop when we yelled at them. Junior was off in the back so I thought he was chasing deer and Husker, well, Husker is a big fat baby unless its a cow to chase, so he was standing on the driveway barking in the direction of where I assumed Junior was. We walked up the drive and heard some banging and thought the deer were beside the house and knocked into something (we have a heard of about 40 Mule deer that hang out in my yard every night) so we went inside and looked through the windows.
Nothing.
Husker was still barking and looking at the roof so I called to Shawn, who thought it was a cat. I went out to look and it wasnt a cat.
Mr. Coyote was looking back at me.
The back of my house is an A-frame and I am guessing the dogs chased him up there (thankfully they forgot that they also know how to climb up there....which landed Husker in my kitchen when he fell through the window during one of his trips up there...so he didnt forget...he knew better then to go) and there he was.
Shawn took care of him and he is now in the back of the pickup. Piper is learning first hand about the circle of life out here and how sometimes that circle involves humans. She actually handled it really well and came outside to see it after he was dead. He had mange badly so now she tells everyone "if you see a coyote without hair on his tail or legs, shoot him because he is sick."
Dont believe me...check out the pictures ;-)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I have a Tween
Sounds like a strange disease doesn't it....Tween. Sometimes it feels like that. Piper has moved from the world of little girl to tween and she may even make it to teen.
Maybe......thats a few years from now and I choose not to think about that at this time.
How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I have been considering the diagnosis for a few months now....various little things she would say or do that would make me suspicious...sudden worrying about her hair and clothing....such as "I am not wearing those jeans because they dont look cute" and "I just cant go to school with my hair in braids, it makes me look like a hobo". However yesterday during her snowday when I took the opportunity to ruin her life by having her clean her room, she informed me that she couldnt possibly clean her room and here is the resulting converstation:
Piper: Moooooom i canNOT possibly clean my room today. It will take me ALL day to clean my room and then I WONT have ANY time to watch television.
Mom: Wouldnt that be tragic...so you better get back upstairs and put your clothes away so you can come back downstairs and watch tv.
Piper: but MOOOOOM, I cant put my clothes away...I dont have any room, I have to many clothes
Mom: Thats funny, yesterday you didnt have anything to wear to school. Where did all you clothes come from?
Piper: But Moooooooooom (getting louder and whiner each time and visualize her drapped across the arm of the couch rolling from side to side to emphazie the trauma that the mean thought of cleaning her room has done to her)
Mom: Piper, in the time you have been whining about doing it...
Piper: I am not whining!! (now begins the tears) I just cannnot do it by myself, there is to much stuff, to much of a mess. I cant even walk to where my clothes are.
Mom: That would be the reason why you need to clean. Try picking up the stuff between you and the clothes, you could put that away and see how much room you have to walk then. Just a suggestion.
Piper: (she is not getting my humor) OOhhhhhhhhh......I think that is a terrible idea, that would be MORE work then what I started out with.
Mom: Well, I dont know what to tell you...those are my suggestions however in the time you have spent down here complaining about cleaning taking to long and you missing your tv, you could have had it done and be watching tv.
Piper: FINE, but this is the worst day of my life....you are sooo mean for not helping me clean my room. (commence stomping up the stairs, followed by the falling and/or throwing of webkinz down the stairs. I can only assume those are the objects between her and her clothing).
Mom: Sage, your big sissy is being such a girl.
25 minutes later, stomping feet on the stairs.
Piper: Mommy
Mom: Yessy
Piper: Mommy, I tried, I really did (sitting now on the arm of the couch) but I cant...I just cant...I just dont have enough room.
Mom: Piper, there is plent
Piper: MOM, your NOT listening...here is the PROBLEM.....(please insert hand motions with every word) I had to put my underwear in with my shirts and my socks in with my jammies and then my skirts in with my jeans and
Mom: why didnt you hang yours skirts up?
Piper: MOM, I am not done, please do not interrupt me, thats rude.
Mom: uh, uh, ummm, ok (I guess she was listening at some point)
Piper: So what exactly do you want me to do?
Now we sit in silence and look at each other. I am well aware now that the tides have shifted and that I no longer am the mom of a little girl. I have a daughter, a tween, something that isnt normal, cannot be rationalized with, is loving, sweet,wonderful and in a moments notice (well, not really, never any notice) wicked, silver tongue and crazed all at the same time. And taking me on this crazy train with her.
I could take this opportunity to cave, go upstairs and help her, but much like the U.S. I choose not to negotiate with terrorists (or tweens), so I take a more frightening route of informing her that I didnt care where her stuff went, as long as it wasnt on the floor and now she also needed to pick up all the toys she tossed down the stairs and put those away as well.
I was very happy to be holding her beloved baby brother when the tantrum over that information started.
All in all, after 2 hours of her complaining and reasoning why she couldnt possibly clean her room, she did managed to get it done. I was very proud (relieved) and gave her a big hug and kiss when she crawled into my lap and put her head on my shoulder. I turned on Disney for her and she snuggled up just like she did when she was 3. Thats life with a tween. To big for little kid things 1 minute, and still, just a little girl the next.
What will the next few years bring...I can only imagine and I canNOT wait to see!!!
Maybe......thats a few years from now and I choose not to think about that at this time.
How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I have been considering the diagnosis for a few months now....various little things she would say or do that would make me suspicious...sudden worrying about her hair and clothing....such as "I am not wearing those jeans because they dont look cute" and "I just cant go to school with my hair in braids, it makes me look like a hobo". However yesterday during her snowday when I took the opportunity to ruin her life by having her clean her room, she informed me that she couldnt possibly clean her room and here is the resulting converstation:
Piper: Moooooom i canNOT possibly clean my room today. It will take me ALL day to clean my room and then I WONT have ANY time to watch television.
Mom: Wouldnt that be tragic...so you better get back upstairs and put your clothes away so you can come back downstairs and watch tv.
Piper: but MOOOOOM, I cant put my clothes away...I dont have any room, I have to many clothes
Mom: Thats funny, yesterday you didnt have anything to wear to school. Where did all you clothes come from?
Piper: But Moooooooooom (getting louder and whiner each time and visualize her drapped across the arm of the couch rolling from side to side to emphazie the trauma that the mean thought of cleaning her room has done to her)
Mom: Piper, in the time you have been whining about doing it...
Piper: I am not whining!! (now begins the tears) I just cannnot do it by myself, there is to much stuff, to much of a mess. I cant even walk to where my clothes are.
Mom: That would be the reason why you need to clean. Try picking up the stuff between you and the clothes, you could put that away and see how much room you have to walk then. Just a suggestion.
Piper: (she is not getting my humor) OOhhhhhhhhh......I think that is a terrible idea, that would be MORE work then what I started out with.
Mom: Well, I dont know what to tell you...those are my suggestions however in the time you have spent down here complaining about cleaning taking to long and you missing your tv, you could have had it done and be watching tv.
Piper: FINE, but this is the worst day of my life....you are sooo mean for not helping me clean my room. (commence stomping up the stairs, followed by the falling and/or throwing of webkinz down the stairs. I can only assume those are the objects between her and her clothing).
Mom: Sage, your big sissy is being such a girl.
25 minutes later, stomping feet on the stairs.
Piper: Mommy
Mom: Yessy
Piper: Mommy, I tried, I really did (sitting now on the arm of the couch) but I cant...I just cant...I just dont have enough room.
Mom: Piper, there is plent
Piper: MOM, your NOT listening...here is the PROBLEM.....(please insert hand motions with every word) I had to put my underwear in with my shirts and my socks in with my jammies and then my skirts in with my jeans and
Mom: why didnt you hang yours skirts up?
Piper: MOM, I am not done, please do not interrupt me, thats rude.
Mom: uh, uh, ummm, ok (I guess she was listening at some point)
Piper: So what exactly do you want me to do?
Now we sit in silence and look at each other. I am well aware now that the tides have shifted and that I no longer am the mom of a little girl. I have a daughter, a tween, something that isnt normal, cannot be rationalized with, is loving, sweet,wonderful and in a moments notice (well, not really, never any notice) wicked, silver tongue and crazed all at the same time. And taking me on this crazy train with her.
I could take this opportunity to cave, go upstairs and help her, but much like the U.S. I choose not to negotiate with terrorists (or tweens), so I take a more frightening route of informing her that I didnt care where her stuff went, as long as it wasnt on the floor and now she also needed to pick up all the toys she tossed down the stairs and put those away as well.
I was very happy to be holding her beloved baby brother when the tantrum over that information started.
All in all, after 2 hours of her complaining and reasoning why she couldnt possibly clean her room, she did managed to get it done. I was very proud (relieved) and gave her a big hug and kiss when she crawled into my lap and put her head on my shoulder. I turned on Disney for her and she snuggled up just like she did when she was 3. Thats life with a tween. To big for little kid things 1 minute, and still, just a little girl the next.
What will the next few years bring...I can only imagine and I canNOT wait to see!!!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Cyber Romance
As I sit rocking my 1 month old son in the chair I was privy to 6 (yes 6) commercials for a variety of internet dating sites. Unlike alot of people, I am all for and supportive of romance that starts online. I dont really have a choice as Shawn and I met online.
Why? Well because he lived in a very (VERY) small town where his options were limited (either already dated them, they were married or he was related to them). I was a single mom of a little girl which I quickly found out was kinda like having the plague to many (mostly the ones I met) men. I didnt go to the bar, I worked and went to school and was home with Piper. My time frame to go out and met someone was limited (non-existent).
I had tried dating online and had met a couple of people, but no one who would last long term. Same thing for Shawn.
Both of us were tired of it and ready to quit when my mom said "you have to try this one more site and if you dont, then I will do it for you."
Where was my option in that...either I set up my profile or my mother does...so I sat at the computer and created my profile. 1 month...thats all I did. 30 days...I can handle it for 30 days.
2 weeks in, I saw his page, sent him....we emailed for a month before we talked on the phone, then we talked on the phone for 2 months before we met in person. The rest, as they say, is H-I-S-T-O-R-Y!!!
Since I met Shawn, my brother has started dated a great chick he met online, another friend of mine just had her boyfriend move from Utah to Michigan, and 2 of my friends from high school have married men they met online.
Yes, things can go wrong and there are bad people out there but you cannot live life in the shadows out of worry and fear. You need to be careful. You need to be sage and smart. There is an opportunity in online dating that gives you the chance to do something that I think is missing in alot of relationships right now...TALK. Communicate. You cant go jumping into bed with someone who is 1100 miles away from you even if you are charmed and attracted to them. It forces you to talk about everything for hours on end because while there is a very strong connection and attraction, you can only foster that by communicating. For Shawn and I, we never ran out of stuff to talk about. For hours at night, every night, we talked. And when we finally met in person, we kept talking.
If you ask him, I havent shut up yet :-)
If you are sitting home alone (like I was) and are frusterated with the dating pool where you live...try another one. Most out of your comfort zone. You dont have to look out of state...go to the town next to you....you never know where you soul mate may be sitting. Mine was hanging out in Nebraska...who would have thought......
Why? Well because he lived in a very (VERY) small town where his options were limited (either already dated them, they were married or he was related to them). I was a single mom of a little girl which I quickly found out was kinda like having the plague to many (mostly the ones I met) men. I didnt go to the bar, I worked and went to school and was home with Piper. My time frame to go out and met someone was limited (non-existent).
I had tried dating online and had met a couple of people, but no one who would last long term. Same thing for Shawn.
Both of us were tired of it and ready to quit when my mom said "you have to try this one more site and if you dont, then I will do it for you."
Where was my option in that...either I set up my profile or my mother does...so I sat at the computer and created my profile. 1 month...thats all I did. 30 days...I can handle it for 30 days.
2 weeks in, I saw his page, sent him....we emailed for a month before we talked on the phone, then we talked on the phone for 2 months before we met in person. The rest, as they say, is H-I-S-T-O-R-Y!!!
Since I met Shawn, my brother has started dated a great chick he met online, another friend of mine just had her boyfriend move from Utah to Michigan, and 2 of my friends from high school have married men they met online.
Yes, things can go wrong and there are bad people out there but you cannot live life in the shadows out of worry and fear. You need to be careful. You need to be sage and smart. There is an opportunity in online dating that gives you the chance to do something that I think is missing in alot of relationships right now...TALK. Communicate. You cant go jumping into bed with someone who is 1100 miles away from you even if you are charmed and attracted to them. It forces you to talk about everything for hours on end because while there is a very strong connection and attraction, you can only foster that by communicating. For Shawn and I, we never ran out of stuff to talk about. For hours at night, every night, we talked. And when we finally met in person, we kept talking.
If you ask him, I havent shut up yet :-)
If you are sitting home alone (like I was) and are frusterated with the dating pool where you live...try another one. Most out of your comfort zone. You dont have to look out of state...go to the town next to you....you never know where you soul mate may be sitting. Mine was hanging out in Nebraska...who would have thought......
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The Christmas List
I would like to share with you a conversation between my 7 year old daughter and myself that occured during the drive to school this morning:
Mom: "Piper, I need your Christmas List so I can start working on it."
Piper: "I want stuff for my American Girl dolls."
Mom: "OK, I think we can handle that."
Piper: "But that isnt all I want."
Mom: "Ok, what else?"
Piper: "I want Magical Powers."
Mom (attempting not to drive off the road): "Magical Powers?"
Piper: "Yes, Magical Powers."
Mom (apprehensively): "OK, and what would you like to do with these Magical Powers?"
Piper: "Fly around the school and fly to the high school to meet my friends there."
Mom (relieved she isnt after world power....yet): "Alright, well I will work on that but if I cant, is there something else that you would like?"
Piper: "Yes, I want a Limo."
Mom: "Piper, I need your Christmas List so I can start working on it."
Piper: "I want stuff for my American Girl dolls."
Mom: "OK, I think we can handle that."
Piper: "But that isnt all I want."
Mom: "Ok, what else?"
Piper: "I want Magical Powers."
Mom (attempting not to drive off the road): "Magical Powers?"
Piper: "Yes, Magical Powers."
Mom (apprehensively): "OK, and what would you like to do with these Magical Powers?"
Piper: "Fly around the school and fly to the high school to meet my friends there."
Mom (relieved she isnt after world power....yet): "Alright, well I will work on that but if I cant, is there something else that you would like?"
Piper: "Yes, I want a Limo."
Upon conclusion of this conversation and a quick kiss and hug goodbye at school, I promptly drive to the store and purchased a cappuccino. Its official, my children have driven me to drink.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Chrismtas Spirit.....less
Seems like everytime I log into facebook or myspace (yes, I do still check that) someone has a status that has something to do with getting ready for Christmas. I would venture to guess that half of my friends have their outdoor lights up, their yards decorated and the other half have their trees done, while most of them have their shopping at least 75% done.
I have done none of the above. We dont put lights on the house because no one would really be able to see it. We have a few neighbors, but with the trees in the front yard, and the fact that very few people drive past my house at night...whats the point. We cant put yard decorations out because Shawn doesnt trust Husker. I do and I contemplated putting a small team of movable reindeer and a sleigh out front but then, of course, I would find Husker going after the reindeers antlers or sleeping in the sleigh, or both. I would hate for Shawn to be right so I wont even attempt it.
That is kinda the same thought process I have for shopping also...I dont like to do it, so I tend to put it off as long as possible.
Maybe its the baby blues, maybes its knowing that Piper will be gone for 2 weeks over Christmas, or that its my first Christmans without my parents. Maybe its shopping for gifts when for the first time in 14 years, I dont have an income. Most likely its a combination of all of the above. Regardless, I just cant seem to get into the Christmas spirit this year. Hopefully this weekend I will snap out of it and get some shopping done, and we plan on putting our tree up this weekend. I am trying to not be grinchy, I just may not be Mrs. Claus either. Which is ok I guess.....red isnt exactly my color.
I have done none of the above. We dont put lights on the house because no one would really be able to see it. We have a few neighbors, but with the trees in the front yard, and the fact that very few people drive past my house at night...whats the point. We cant put yard decorations out because Shawn doesnt trust Husker. I do and I contemplated putting a small team of movable reindeer and a sleigh out front but then, of course, I would find Husker going after the reindeers antlers or sleeping in the sleigh, or both. I would hate for Shawn to be right so I wont even attempt it.
That is kinda the same thought process I have for shopping also...I dont like to do it, so I tend to put it off as long as possible.
Maybe its the baby blues, maybes its knowing that Piper will be gone for 2 weeks over Christmas, or that its my first Christmans without my parents. Maybe its shopping for gifts when for the first time in 14 years, I dont have an income. Most likely its a combination of all of the above. Regardless, I just cant seem to get into the Christmas spirit this year. Hopefully this weekend I will snap out of it and get some shopping done, and we plan on putting our tree up this weekend. I am trying to not be grinchy, I just may not be Mrs. Claus either. Which is ok I guess.....red isnt exactly my color.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Just drink beer, it will help.
Sage is home and doing GREAT!!!! He came home on November 16, 13 days after he was born. He was 4lbs 9oz. He is now over 6lbs....so yes, he is eating.
No, I am not nursing him. Yes, he gets some breast milk but it isnt exclusive. He is on a preemie formula with extra calories to help him put on weight and he has to be on that so even if I was having more luck with pumping, I wouldnt be able to feed just that.
I really wanted to nurse Sage. I didnt with Piper, I was young, she was stubborn, I was more stubborn...it wasnt a good combination. Courtesy of the flack I got (and the ensuing guilt) I really was dedicated to nursing Sage (plus formula is flippin' EXPENSIVE).
Of course I would have him 6 weeks early and he would be in the NICU for 2 weeks and I would lose those 2 weeks of attempting to nurse. The alternative was pumping.
Ah yes, the fabulous world of the breast pump. The machine with the suction cups that you attatch to your boobs to pull out the milk so that your baby can still reap the benefits from moms who are unable (or dont want) to nurse.
I absolutely HATE pumping. It hurts and its akward and it isnt the most attractive situation for my husband to walk in on (yes, I know he was just there while our son was born, that should give you an idea of how attractive pumping is) and frankly, I am self conscious about it. All of those reasons probably also contribute to the fact that I really am not getting much milk while I do pump.
Because of the issues I have been having with pumping, I mentioned them to my doctor at Sage's appointment last week. His solution was to "drink a Guinness, I dont know why, but it helps" (LOVE HIM!!!). Then he tracked down the lactation counselor and she gave me more trips (dont drink beer, it will just give you a drunk baby...of course they wouldnt agree...this is ME we are talking about). Most of them seemed like great ideas....but not the easiest to accomplish. Here are her suggestions:
#1 Hold your baby while you pump.....really....how do I hold the sleeping or hungry child and still relax enough to pump? But alas, I tried it....and only managed to drop the very small amount I was able to get. Hey, it was either that or drop him.
#2 Sit in a quiet room, dim the lights and put on some soft, relaxing music. My that sounds wonderful...I can visualize it now....quietly pumping while one or both of my children demands my attention, my husband needs me to find a tool that he has no idea where it is but is certain I can put my hands on, the phone will ring, the dogs will chase the mules that just jumped the fence again and are standing in my front yard with the cows that busted out as well. Yes, I can do relaxation in my house.
#3 Try pumping, then switching to nursing him. Well, I tried that one also.....and I can tell you that Sage is an instant gratification man. Why would he want to work at nursing when he has had a bottle for 3 weeks and gets food on demand from that. Also, please refer back to #1 and refresh on how well that worked out for us.......yep, we tried 1 time, for 5 minutes and it wasnt good.
#4 Pump every 2 hours. Ok, so I wont ever leave my house again...I will just pump, then do laundry, then the dishes, then feed Sage (formula), then pump again, stop in the middle to change Sage, answer the phone, start pumping, change over the laundry, do dishes, make lunch for Shawn, feed Sage, pump....you get the picture. I would never see my friends again because I could never leave my house.
Maybe its me....maybe I just have the wrong attitude but seriously...what is supposed to be fun about pumping? If I could nurse him, I really think it would be so much easier for me to pump occasionally but soley pumping, not so much.
I will keep you posted on how it goes...hopefully better then it has been, or else we make the decision to just give it up all together. Its obvious that Sage is thriving on the formula so it isnt like it would completely change his diet if I stopped. It would save me alot of stress and anxiety however the guilt of not being able to do it may prove to much.
Maybe Dr. Miller will just tell me to drink more beer :-)
No, I am not nursing him. Yes, he gets some breast milk but it isnt exclusive. He is on a preemie formula with extra calories to help him put on weight and he has to be on that so even if I was having more luck with pumping, I wouldnt be able to feed just that.
I really wanted to nurse Sage. I didnt with Piper, I was young, she was stubborn, I was more stubborn...it wasnt a good combination. Courtesy of the flack I got (and the ensuing guilt) I really was dedicated to nursing Sage (plus formula is flippin' EXPENSIVE).
Of course I would have him 6 weeks early and he would be in the NICU for 2 weeks and I would lose those 2 weeks of attempting to nurse. The alternative was pumping.
Ah yes, the fabulous world of the breast pump. The machine with the suction cups that you attatch to your boobs to pull out the milk so that your baby can still reap the benefits from moms who are unable (or dont want) to nurse.
I absolutely HATE pumping. It hurts and its akward and it isnt the most attractive situation for my husband to walk in on (yes, I know he was just there while our son was born, that should give you an idea of how attractive pumping is) and frankly, I am self conscious about it. All of those reasons probably also contribute to the fact that I really am not getting much milk while I do pump.
Because of the issues I have been having with pumping, I mentioned them to my doctor at Sage's appointment last week. His solution was to "drink a Guinness, I dont know why, but it helps" (LOVE HIM!!!). Then he tracked down the lactation counselor and she gave me more trips (dont drink beer, it will just give you a drunk baby...of course they wouldnt agree...this is ME we are talking about). Most of them seemed like great ideas....but not the easiest to accomplish. Here are her suggestions:
#1 Hold your baby while you pump.....really....how do I hold the sleeping or hungry child and still relax enough to pump? But alas, I tried it....and only managed to drop the very small amount I was able to get. Hey, it was either that or drop him.
#2 Sit in a quiet room, dim the lights and put on some soft, relaxing music. My that sounds wonderful...I can visualize it now....quietly pumping while one or both of my children demands my attention, my husband needs me to find a tool that he has no idea where it is but is certain I can put my hands on, the phone will ring, the dogs will chase the mules that just jumped the fence again and are standing in my front yard with the cows that busted out as well. Yes, I can do relaxation in my house.
#3 Try pumping, then switching to nursing him. Well, I tried that one also.....and I can tell you that Sage is an instant gratification man. Why would he want to work at nursing when he has had a bottle for 3 weeks and gets food on demand from that. Also, please refer back to #1 and refresh on how well that worked out for us.......yep, we tried 1 time, for 5 minutes and it wasnt good.
#4 Pump every 2 hours. Ok, so I wont ever leave my house again...I will just pump, then do laundry, then the dishes, then feed Sage (formula), then pump again, stop in the middle to change Sage, answer the phone, start pumping, change over the laundry, do dishes, make lunch for Shawn, feed Sage, pump....you get the picture. I would never see my friends again because I could never leave my house.
Maybe its me....maybe I just have the wrong attitude but seriously...what is supposed to be fun about pumping? If I could nurse him, I really think it would be so much easier for me to pump occasionally but soley pumping, not so much.
I will keep you posted on how it goes...hopefully better then it has been, or else we make the decision to just give it up all together. Its obvious that Sage is thriving on the formula so it isnt like it would completely change his diet if I stopped. It would save me alot of stress and anxiety however the guilt of not being able to do it may prove to much.
Maybe Dr. Miller will just tell me to drink more beer :-)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A Useless Mom
Thats me...the useless mom. I know I shouldnt feel this way but I do....I have 2 kids, both with "stuff" going on and I cant really help either of them.
Sage is self-explainatory.....he needs the medical attention I cant give him right now. Its so hard to leave him, and its very difficult to come to terms with being the mom who cannot give the best possible care right now.
Piper is leaving next week to go back to MI for Thanksgiving and she is having a hard time with that. She doesnt want to go and there isnt anything I can do to make it better for her. Couple that with everything that is going on with Sage and I have a little girl who has "forgotten" her homework at school 2 days in a row, has been a beast in the morning and went to the town babysitters house instead of going where she was supposed to go after school today. I finally got her to admit that she doesnt want to go back to MI and she is sad about it and Sage not being home, so she is taking it out on us. I understand and I dont blame her. Its just hard to be the bad guy all the time.
At some point, hopefully sooner rather then later, I will have Sage home so that we are not gone so much from Piper. We are driving everyday to North Platte because we need to be home with her at night, but she is missing on my picking her up from school, ect. She needs a routine and the one she had is gone. I can only hope that the week in Michigan will help her to relax and when she comes back home, Sage will be here and we can get a new routine going. Maybe then I wont feel like such a useless mom.
Sage is self-explainatory.....he needs the medical attention I cant give him right now. Its so hard to leave him, and its very difficult to come to terms with being the mom who cannot give the best possible care right now.
Piper is leaving next week to go back to MI for Thanksgiving and she is having a hard time with that. She doesnt want to go and there isnt anything I can do to make it better for her. Couple that with everything that is going on with Sage and I have a little girl who has "forgotten" her homework at school 2 days in a row, has been a beast in the morning and went to the town babysitters house instead of going where she was supposed to go after school today. I finally got her to admit that she doesnt want to go back to MI and she is sad about it and Sage not being home, so she is taking it out on us. I understand and I dont blame her. Its just hard to be the bad guy all the time.
At some point, hopefully sooner rather then later, I will have Sage home so that we are not gone so much from Piper. We are driving everyday to North Platte because we need to be home with her at night, but she is missing on my picking her up from school, ect. She needs a routine and the one she had is gone. I can only hope that the week in Michigan will help her to relax and when she comes back home, Sage will be here and we can get a new routine going. Maybe then I wont feel like such a useless mom.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Changes
WOW...so last time I posted I was complaining about being pregnant. It wasnt that long ago that I wrote that post, however I am no longer pregnant.
Things happened very quickly, but to make a long and potentionally gruesome story short, Sage Dean Hanna made his appearance on Tuesday, November 3 @ 2.39pm. He weighed in at 4 lbs 3oz and is 16.5 inches long. Just a tiny litte peanut!! He showed up 6 weeks early because of the preeclampsia that I developed became a severe case very quickly, and it was more dangerous to both of us for him to stay in, then to join the outside world.
Here is the condensed version....
Saturday night (Halloween) everything is gret....I felt good enough to walk with the kids for a little bit.
Sunday morning - took my blood pressure....WAY out of wack..took it again....still a mess. Called Dr, he said to come in and they would keep an eye on me for the day.
Sunday afternoon - BP still crazy, admitted....Dr said we need to give him another 10 days to make it to 35 weeks. I did get the first shot of steroids to help mature his lungs. I was in the middle of another test that takes 24 hours, so we were waiting on the results of that before making anymore decisions, but I stayed in the hospital.
Monday morning - BP still nuts.....urine test came back and as Dr. Miller put it "you failed". The protein amounts has pushed me into severe preeclampsia. I asked what that meaned and he said "it means the ambulance is on the way from North Platte and you will be induced this afternoon."
WHOA....yeah....for the record, this is the time my BP finally settled into 128/78....seriously.
Here is the part where things get fun....have you ever been on Magnesium before?? I have not, nor do I EVER plan on it again. That stuff was created by the devil himself. I know its needed to help with problematic situations (like me) but with all the technology that we have avaiable to us, can they NOT come up with something that doesnt BURN as it enters your veins and starts to make its rounds. I mean seriously people...lets put some saline in there, lets do something because the pain I had in my hand from the mag going in was some of the most excruciating I have ever felt and YES, I have been through labor 2x now. The only thing worse then getting the mag going, was when I got to North Platte and they had shut it off and had to start it again. I cried BOTH times.
Monday afternoon we arrived in NP, they did not do the induction because I was already dialating on my own.
Tuesday morning, 6am pitocin starts. It wasnt so bad....which come to find out is partly because of that terrible magnesium. See, the same stuff they were using on me to help with my blood pressure DURING DELIVERY is the same stuff they use to STOP CONTRACTIONS when people are in labor early.....make sense...yea, not to me either. Regardless....apparently thats why my contractions were not as strong to start as they should have been.
1230 doc comes in and checks me, only to find out I have only dialated 1cm more from when I checked in. He mentioned the awful c-section word and gave me a 5pm deadline (yes, apparently you can put a deadline on labor).
So this begins massive hysterical breakdown #2 (not bad considering I am on day #3 in the hospital) which brings in my nurse to try and help me feel better. She helped me clean up, wash my face, all that good stuff so I could try and feel like a human being again. At 130 we realized that we didnt have a camera, and since I wasnt progressing at all, Shawn went to go pick one up. While he was one, my contractions got VERY strong and I choose to get the pain meds (not an epidural....still wasnt gonna cave on that one). I got my first dose of NuBain at 2pm....and at 215 told Shawn he needed to get Joy because something was happening.....she came in, checked me and found my completely ready to deliver...as in his head was right there. She called doc, and 30 minutes later....Sage was here. VERY FAST once the idea of a c-section scared me into dialating, lol!
Now, he is here but in the NICU in the hospital. We dont know when we will be able to bring him home, but we do know that he is doing great!! He has never been on oxygen but he does have a feeding tube. Hopefully that will be gone soon, as he is eating more and more and has learned how to suck on a pacifier. The bottle is next!! Then maintaining his own body weight and with all luck and prayers, he will be home sometime next week. I am trying not to get my hopes up, and I am planning on him being there for 2 weeks.
I will keep everyone posted on how he is doing.....my little man is a miracle in more ways then one and once I get him home and we can love on him without the wires and tubes, it will sink in.
Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. They have not gone unnoticed!!!!
Things happened very quickly, but to make a long and potentionally gruesome story short, Sage Dean Hanna made his appearance on Tuesday, November 3 @ 2.39pm. He weighed in at 4 lbs 3oz and is 16.5 inches long. Just a tiny litte peanut!! He showed up 6 weeks early because of the preeclampsia that I developed became a severe case very quickly, and it was more dangerous to both of us for him to stay in, then to join the outside world.
Here is the condensed version....
Saturday night (Halloween) everything is gret....I felt good enough to walk with the kids for a little bit.
Sunday morning - took my blood pressure....WAY out of wack..took it again....still a mess. Called Dr, he said to come in and they would keep an eye on me for the day.
Sunday afternoon - BP still crazy, admitted....Dr said we need to give him another 10 days to make it to 35 weeks. I did get the first shot of steroids to help mature his lungs. I was in the middle of another test that takes 24 hours, so we were waiting on the results of that before making anymore decisions, but I stayed in the hospital.
Monday morning - BP still nuts.....urine test came back and as Dr. Miller put it "you failed". The protein amounts has pushed me into severe preeclampsia. I asked what that meaned and he said "it means the ambulance is on the way from North Platte and you will be induced this afternoon."
WHOA....yeah....for the record, this is the time my BP finally settled into 128/78....seriously.
Here is the part where things get fun....have you ever been on Magnesium before?? I have not, nor do I EVER plan on it again. That stuff was created by the devil himself. I know its needed to help with problematic situations (like me) but with all the technology that we have avaiable to us, can they NOT come up with something that doesnt BURN as it enters your veins and starts to make its rounds. I mean seriously people...lets put some saline in there, lets do something because the pain I had in my hand from the mag going in was some of the most excruciating I have ever felt and YES, I have been through labor 2x now. The only thing worse then getting the mag going, was when I got to North Platte and they had shut it off and had to start it again. I cried BOTH times.
Monday afternoon we arrived in NP, they did not do the induction because I was already dialating on my own.
Tuesday morning, 6am pitocin starts. It wasnt so bad....which come to find out is partly because of that terrible magnesium. See, the same stuff they were using on me to help with my blood pressure DURING DELIVERY is the same stuff they use to STOP CONTRACTIONS when people are in labor early.....make sense...yea, not to me either. Regardless....apparently thats why my contractions were not as strong to start as they should have been.
1230 doc comes in and checks me, only to find out I have only dialated 1cm more from when I checked in. He mentioned the awful c-section word and gave me a 5pm deadline (yes, apparently you can put a deadline on labor).
So this begins massive hysterical breakdown #2 (not bad considering I am on day #3 in the hospital) which brings in my nurse to try and help me feel better. She helped me clean up, wash my face, all that good stuff so I could try and feel like a human being again. At 130 we realized that we didnt have a camera, and since I wasnt progressing at all, Shawn went to go pick one up. While he was one, my contractions got VERY strong and I choose to get the pain meds (not an epidural....still wasnt gonna cave on that one). I got my first dose of NuBain at 2pm....and at 215 told Shawn he needed to get Joy because something was happening.....she came in, checked me and found my completely ready to deliver...as in his head was right there. She called doc, and 30 minutes later....Sage was here. VERY FAST once the idea of a c-section scared me into dialating, lol!
Now, he is here but in the NICU in the hospital. We dont know when we will be able to bring him home, but we do know that he is doing great!! He has never been on oxygen but he does have a feeding tube. Hopefully that will be gone soon, as he is eating more and more and has learned how to suck on a pacifier. The bottle is next!! Then maintaining his own body weight and with all luck and prayers, he will be home sometime next week. I am trying not to get my hopes up, and I am planning on him being there for 2 weeks.
I will keep everyone posted on how he is doing.....my little man is a miracle in more ways then one and once I get him home and we can love on him without the wires and tubes, it will sink in.
Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. They have not gone unnoticed!!!!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Pregnancy Drama part.....whatever.....
As I stated before, I hate being pregnant. Sorry, I know there are many many people out there who cannot have children and I should be happy that I am one of them who can. I have a very dear friend who has adopted 2 great kids because she is unable to have her own, and I know from listening to her and being her friend, how frusterating and hurtful it is for her to not be able to have a baby of her own. That makes me feel extrememly selfish when I say yet again, I hate being pregnant.
Ok, sooooo rewind a few weeks ago when I landed in the hospital with some bleeding (that they never determined where it was coming from) and blood pressure issues. Actually, rewind even farther back then that to 2002 when I had Piper and had no problems at all during that pregnancy.
Sidebar: I didnt like that pregnancy much either.
So now fastforward back to 2009.....starting with morning sickness for the first 4 months. Actually, lets go morning, noon and night sickness. I never got to the point where I was puking my guts out, but I think it might have helped if I had. I really like how people judge your level of sickness based on if your puke or not......as far as I am concerned, if I cannot look at food or smell pizza without WANTING to puke, I am sick...end o' story.
Now....move into the summer, sickness is gone (thank GOD) but now starts weight gain. LOTS AND LOTS of weight gain. With that comes the aching. Back ache. Ligaments in my stomach stretching.....aching. Boobs aching so the idea of sleeping on my stomach to help relieve some of the strain on my back is out of the question. Even my husband had back pain...well, he had me and if I couldnt sleep...neither was he :-)
So now your up to date....3 weeks ago, spontanously bleeding, blood pressure out of wack and a night in the hospital (with a reallllly bad I.V. line, gotta throw that in there). I found out that the "pressure" I had been having almost daily for several months was contractions (as my Ob nurse sis in law informed me during my hospital stay with a "do you know your contracting every 7-10 minutes?" Ohhhhhhhh.......). Then came bedrest.
Lets talk about bedrest. For starters....I cant last a whole night in my bed when I am sleeping let alone ALL DAY LONG. Really....it isnt possible. I am way to A.D.D. for that. Then, I couldnt get a straight answer out of any nurse or Doctor about what exactly the defination of bed rest was, so I went with my own defination. I took it easy, VERY easy (for me) and spent more time off my feet then on my feet. Occasionally took Piper to school and did some dishes. The rest was up to Shawn (which is why Karen came over to clean on day.....but his intentions are always admirable).
Discharged on Wednesday, ended up back down there Friday afternoon because of SEVERE swelling. I will save the details but lets just say cankles doesnt cover it....not when your thighs, calves and ankles are all the same size. Here is the best part....just one leg....yep...leave it to me to get edema on one side of my body. So, that little adventure (and another 6lbs GAINED between discharge on Wednesday and Friday) lead me to the glory of all pregnancy tests.....the 24 hour urine collection. Yes, I had to pee in a bucket for 24 freaking hours to make sure I didnt have any protein in my urine. I had all the other symptons of pre-eclampsia except protein, so this is the fantastic little test to determine that fact.
Test was negative for protein.
Today....my blood pressure is great now (110/82...YEAH!!), no bleeding HOWEVER (it can never be that easy) now we have protein. Yes, so doc starts asking me all these questions...
1) headaches ......yep....
2) dizziness......yep
3)swellling......DUH
4)vision changes.....yep
Those 4 things, added to blood pressure problems, weight gain and protein in my urine all point to Pre-eclampsia.
Now, I am doing another 24 hour collection (yippee) and I have another ultrasound tomorrow (to make sure little man is still growing ok) and once we know that is going on with those two tests, we will know what path we are taking next. Hopefully, everything looks great and we dont have to do anything.....but there is a possibility of inducing labor early. If we do, it wont be before 36 weeks, so he wont be that early and he shouldnt have to stay in the hospital. Worse comes to worse, I have to deliver him earlier then that, but since I am at 33 weeks now....even if we delivered today...he would stand a good chance of being alright. Probably have to be in the NICU for a few days/week but he would be ok. That, however, is not an option for me.
So while I hate being pregnant, and todays events just simply confirm that in my mind, I would really like to be pregnant a few weeks longer (lord, can not believe I just put that in writing).
Ok, sooooo rewind a few weeks ago when I landed in the hospital with some bleeding (that they never determined where it was coming from) and blood pressure issues. Actually, rewind even farther back then that to 2002 when I had Piper and had no problems at all during that pregnancy.
Sidebar: I didnt like that pregnancy much either.
So now fastforward back to 2009.....starting with morning sickness for the first 4 months. Actually, lets go morning, noon and night sickness. I never got to the point where I was puking my guts out, but I think it might have helped if I had. I really like how people judge your level of sickness based on if your puke or not......as far as I am concerned, if I cannot look at food or smell pizza without WANTING to puke, I am sick...end o' story.
Now....move into the summer, sickness is gone (thank GOD) but now starts weight gain. LOTS AND LOTS of weight gain. With that comes the aching. Back ache. Ligaments in my stomach stretching.....aching. Boobs aching so the idea of sleeping on my stomach to help relieve some of the strain on my back is out of the question. Even my husband had back pain...well, he had me and if I couldnt sleep...neither was he :-)
So now your up to date....3 weeks ago, spontanously bleeding, blood pressure out of wack and a night in the hospital (with a reallllly bad I.V. line, gotta throw that in there). I found out that the "pressure" I had been having almost daily for several months was contractions (as my Ob nurse sis in law informed me during my hospital stay with a "do you know your contracting every 7-10 minutes?" Ohhhhhhhh.......). Then came bedrest.
Lets talk about bedrest. For starters....I cant last a whole night in my bed when I am sleeping let alone ALL DAY LONG. Really....it isnt possible. I am way to A.D.D. for that. Then, I couldnt get a straight answer out of any nurse or Doctor about what exactly the defination of bed rest was, so I went with my own defination. I took it easy, VERY easy (for me) and spent more time off my feet then on my feet. Occasionally took Piper to school and did some dishes. The rest was up to Shawn (which is why Karen came over to clean on day.....but his intentions are always admirable).
Discharged on Wednesday, ended up back down there Friday afternoon because of SEVERE swelling. I will save the details but lets just say cankles doesnt cover it....not when your thighs, calves and ankles are all the same size. Here is the best part....just one leg....yep...leave it to me to get edema on one side of my body. So, that little adventure (and another 6lbs GAINED between discharge on Wednesday and Friday) lead me to the glory of all pregnancy tests.....the 24 hour urine collection. Yes, I had to pee in a bucket for 24 freaking hours to make sure I didnt have any protein in my urine. I had all the other symptons of pre-eclampsia except protein, so this is the fantastic little test to determine that fact.
Test was negative for protein.
Today....my blood pressure is great now (110/82...YEAH!!), no bleeding HOWEVER (it can never be that easy) now we have protein. Yes, so doc starts asking me all these questions...
1) headaches ......yep....
2) dizziness......yep
3)swellling......DUH
4)vision changes.....yep
Those 4 things, added to blood pressure problems, weight gain and protein in my urine all point to Pre-eclampsia.
Now, I am doing another 24 hour collection (yippee) and I have another ultrasound tomorrow (to make sure little man is still growing ok) and once we know that is going on with those two tests, we will know what path we are taking next. Hopefully, everything looks great and we dont have to do anything.....but there is a possibility of inducing labor early. If we do, it wont be before 36 weeks, so he wont be that early and he shouldnt have to stay in the hospital. Worse comes to worse, I have to deliver him earlier then that, but since I am at 33 weeks now....even if we delivered today...he would stand a good chance of being alright. Probably have to be in the NICU for a few days/week but he would be ok. That, however, is not an option for me.
So while I hate being pregnant, and todays events just simply confirm that in my mind, I would really like to be pregnant a few weeks longer (lord, can not believe I just put that in writing).
Friday, October 23, 2009
My obligatory blog about H1N1/Swiney
Seems like everyone has an opinion about H1n1 and has managed to get it out into the public forum. So why would I be any different? I have an opinion. I always have an opinion.
Maybe that is my point. OPINION. Lets review the defination of OPINION for a moment:
–noun
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2.a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3.the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second medical opinion.
4.Law. the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
5.a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.
6.a favorable estimate; esteem: I haven't much of an opinion of him.
-Courtesty of dictionary.com
Got that part covered, so I shouldnt have to put a disclaimer down that my opinion is my opinion...if you dont like....to bad :-)
Now, on to my topic......the HOT topic, H1N1 aka, SWINE FLU/Swiney.
Ohhhhh...so scary when its called H1N1 but hard to take serious when its called Swine Flu. Maybe that is why everyone is so flipped out about it...it has a technical name now, one that you kinda have to take seriously.
Or it could be because you cannot turn on the television without an update on where the latest exposure is, how many people have died, how many vaccines have been shipped and how far behind they are in producing the remaining 12 billion doses of vaccines.
Or because you cannot look online without finding out if you are in a high risk area (which is the entire United States according to some sites).
Or because you think about getting the shot, try and be smart about it a do some research only to find you are not officially scared shotless and have more questions then you started with.
Regardless....you can run but you cannot hide from Swiney.
I am in several high risk catagories for the flu.....and I am not getting the vaccination.
I repeat I AM NOT GETTING THE VACCINATION.
Why....you may ask...you just said you are high risk for it???
Well, because I do not feel that it is the best decision for me or my family to recieve the vaccination. End of story. I will gladly provide my reasons, but the true fact of the matter is that in any medical situation, you have to do what YOU feel is right for you and your family.
Here are my rational reasons for not getting the vaccination (Yes, they are rational...even my doctor said I was thinking rationally, which is not always my strong point but in this case....I DID IT!!!)
1) I am not comfortable getting a vaccination that I have never utilized before when I am 8 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy (sidebar: I didnt become high risk until 2 weeks ago....blood pressure issues and voila...HIGH RISK.)
2) I have a very strong immune system as I have never gotten the flu, and I have never gotten the flu shot. In all my years of working on the front lines of customer service with alot of face to face contact, I happen to be very blessed with a strong immune system.
3) According to my doctor, Swiney has been in my community for months and months and I have probably already been exposed to it. There have been kids in and out of Piper's class with it (since seasonal hasnt been confirmed at all yet, its all Swiney) which means that she has been exposed, which means that I have been exposed and we are all doing ok. According to him....exposure is one of the best ways to build your immmunity to it.
4) I blow my nose 600 times a day courtesy of a sinus infection and that, apparenlty, is a great way to avoid Swiney :-)
5) The government is only vaccinating people with Medicaid right now. Which I happen to be on (whole seperate blog) but Shawn and Piper are not....so I might as well wait and get vaccinated when they will actually vaccinate BCBS and Medicaid patients.
6) I dont trust the science. Right or wrong, I dont trust it and probably wont until it has been around for 10 years and all side effects and potentional outcomes are documentated. Then I will be able to make a more informed decision. I dont feel I can make a proper determination about this vaccination without knowing the side effects. The CDC has set up tracking of all potentional side effects at major medical centers all over the country....Harvard Medical Center, John Hopkins and the CDC (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,556160,00.html). If they dont know what the side effects may be, how can they honestly promise me that I or my child will not suffer any? They cannot, which isnt their fault (well, yes....it is their fault for rushing it but again, MY OPINION).
7) Isnt it interesting how the main topic on the evening news right again a Swiney update is where we are with the governments public health care? MAYBE there is some push for people to demand better health care and for those who cannot afford it, a public option would be very welcome. Hmmmmm.......
Like I stated above, I always have an opinion and chances are high that my opinion and your opinion do not match. Thats ok....I am all for a spirited debate. And truely, only the first 3 and #6 are the key reasons to my rational decision (and I am sure you can determine why) which again, is all I need.
I hope that you make the correct choice for YOU. That is all each of us can do to protect ourselves and our families. Talk it over with your physician and make an informed, RATIONAL decision.
Plus, its kinda fun to be able to go home to my husband and tell him my doctor thought I was a rational thinker. He didnt believe me :-)
Maybe that is my point. OPINION. Lets review the defination of OPINION for a moment:
–noun
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2.a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3.the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second medical opinion.
4.Law. the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
5.a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.
6.a favorable estimate; esteem: I haven't much of an opinion of him.
-Courtesty of dictionary.com
Got that part covered, so I shouldnt have to put a disclaimer down that my opinion is my opinion...if you dont like....to bad :-)
Now, on to my topic......the HOT topic, H1N1 aka, SWINE FLU/Swiney.
Ohhhhh...so scary when its called H1N1 but hard to take serious when its called Swine Flu. Maybe that is why everyone is so flipped out about it...it has a technical name now, one that you kinda have to take seriously.
Or it could be because you cannot turn on the television without an update on where the latest exposure is, how many people have died, how many vaccines have been shipped and how far behind they are in producing the remaining 12 billion doses of vaccines.
Or because you cannot look online without finding out if you are in a high risk area (which is the entire United States according to some sites).
Or because you think about getting the shot, try and be smart about it a do some research only to find you are not officially scared shotless and have more questions then you started with.
Regardless....you can run but you cannot hide from Swiney.
I am in several high risk catagories for the flu.....and I am not getting the vaccination.
I repeat I AM NOT GETTING THE VACCINATION.
Why....you may ask...you just said you are high risk for it???
Well, because I do not feel that it is the best decision for me or my family to recieve the vaccination. End of story. I will gladly provide my reasons, but the true fact of the matter is that in any medical situation, you have to do what YOU feel is right for you and your family.
Here are my rational reasons for not getting the vaccination (Yes, they are rational...even my doctor said I was thinking rationally, which is not always my strong point but in this case....I DID IT!!!)
1) I am not comfortable getting a vaccination that I have never utilized before when I am 8 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy (sidebar: I didnt become high risk until 2 weeks ago....blood pressure issues and voila...HIGH RISK.)
2) I have a very strong immune system as I have never gotten the flu, and I have never gotten the flu shot. In all my years of working on the front lines of customer service with alot of face to face contact, I happen to be very blessed with a strong immune system.
3) According to my doctor, Swiney has been in my community for months and months and I have probably already been exposed to it. There have been kids in and out of Piper's class with it (since seasonal hasnt been confirmed at all yet, its all Swiney) which means that she has been exposed, which means that I have been exposed and we are all doing ok. According to him....exposure is one of the best ways to build your immmunity to it.
4) I blow my nose 600 times a day courtesy of a sinus infection and that, apparenlty, is a great way to avoid Swiney :-)
5) The government is only vaccinating people with Medicaid right now. Which I happen to be on (whole seperate blog) but Shawn and Piper are not....so I might as well wait and get vaccinated when they will actually vaccinate BCBS and Medicaid patients.
6) I dont trust the science. Right or wrong, I dont trust it and probably wont until it has been around for 10 years and all side effects and potentional outcomes are documentated. Then I will be able to make a more informed decision. I dont feel I can make a proper determination about this vaccination without knowing the side effects. The CDC has set up tracking of all potentional side effects at major medical centers all over the country....Harvard Medical Center, John Hopkins and the CDC (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,556160,00.html). If they dont know what the side effects may be, how can they honestly promise me that I or my child will not suffer any? They cannot, which isnt their fault (well, yes....it is their fault for rushing it but again, MY OPINION).
7) Isnt it interesting how the main topic on the evening news right again a Swiney update is where we are with the governments public health care? MAYBE there is some push for people to demand better health care and for those who cannot afford it, a public option would be very welcome. Hmmmmm.......
Like I stated above, I always have an opinion and chances are high that my opinion and your opinion do not match. Thats ok....I am all for a spirited debate. And truely, only the first 3 and #6 are the key reasons to my rational decision (and I am sure you can determine why) which again, is all I need.
I hope that you make the correct choice for YOU. That is all each of us can do to protect ourselves and our families. Talk it over with your physician and make an informed, RATIONAL decision.
Plus, its kinda fun to be able to go home to my husband and tell him my doctor thought I was a rational thinker. He didnt believe me :-)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Summer Lessons Learned
Yes, its been several months since I posted to my blog...which happens to be the first and only post I have posted to this blog.
So, I am not a great blogger.....its been kinda crazy.
I could try and bring you up to date with the past 6 months, but its all been a blur that resulted in relocation, time without Piper, extra time with Shawn, time in the hospital when my father in law had a terrible accident with a horse and cart, my own hospitalization for blood pressure issues and my welcoming into the world of "happy pills".
For some reason, reading all that up there it doesnt seem like such a crazy time, but trust me.....it was insane. Instead of trying to catch you up with details, I will just go over what I have learned this summer:
I learned that I live where I want to live, surrounded by the things I want to be surrounded by.
I learned that I made the right decision regarding Piper and the move....she is happier then I have ever seen her before, it makes everything worth it.
I found out that just because a mother is away from her child for an extended period of time, it doesnt mean she isnt still in "mom mode".
I found out a good alternative to "mom mode" is "wife mode".
I learned that I do need my parents, in my daily life, however much I pretend I dont.
I learned that I dont need my parents in my daily life, however I do want them there.
I found out that being the ranchers wife involves making runs to town for parts that I cannot pronounce, for equipment that I dont know what it does, at the store I have no idea where its located. Twice because I got the wrong part the first time.
I found out that the ranchers wife spends alot of time alone.
I learned that 8 year old Irish Setters will be great big brothers to 8 month old Australian Cattle/Border collie dogs.
I found out that I really dont like being pregnant.
I can survive the pregnancy because do love the results.
I learned that when mules are bored or mad, they will break stuff. By stuff I mean barn doors (4 this summer), fences (wooden and metal, one of each), and whatever else happens to be between them and where they want to be.
I learned that they created happy pills for a reason. That reason this summer was me :-)
I learned that the cow dog will dig holes all over your front yard if you dont let him go chase the cows.
I also learned that the cow dog is very, very smart and listens so well that after being told a few times not to leave the yard, he will have to be dragged across the road to go chase the cows.
I learned that I dont have control over everything, that I never will have control and I have to learn to let things go. I am getting better at it, but as always, I am a work in progress.
I know that home is where your heart is, and my heart is safely in the sandhills. With Shawn, and Piper, our baby boy, a couple of crazy dogs, the horses and a couple hundred cows.
So, I am not a great blogger.....its been kinda crazy.
I could try and bring you up to date with the past 6 months, but its all been a blur that resulted in relocation, time without Piper, extra time with Shawn, time in the hospital when my father in law had a terrible accident with a horse and cart, my own hospitalization for blood pressure issues and my welcoming into the world of "happy pills".
For some reason, reading all that up there it doesnt seem like such a crazy time, but trust me.....it was insane. Instead of trying to catch you up with details, I will just go over what I have learned this summer:
I learned that I live where I want to live, surrounded by the things I want to be surrounded by.
I learned that I made the right decision regarding Piper and the move....she is happier then I have ever seen her before, it makes everything worth it.
I found out that just because a mother is away from her child for an extended period of time, it doesnt mean she isnt still in "mom mode".
I found out a good alternative to "mom mode" is "wife mode".
I learned that I do need my parents, in my daily life, however much I pretend I dont.
I learned that I dont need my parents in my daily life, however I do want them there.
I found out that being the ranchers wife involves making runs to town for parts that I cannot pronounce, for equipment that I dont know what it does, at the store I have no idea where its located. Twice because I got the wrong part the first time.
I found out that the ranchers wife spends alot of time alone.
I learned that 8 year old Irish Setters will be great big brothers to 8 month old Australian Cattle/Border collie dogs.
I found out that I really dont like being pregnant.
I can survive the pregnancy because do love the results.
I learned that when mules are bored or mad, they will break stuff. By stuff I mean barn doors (4 this summer), fences (wooden and metal, one of each), and whatever else happens to be between them and where they want to be.
I learned that they created happy pills for a reason. That reason this summer was me :-)
I learned that the cow dog will dig holes all over your front yard if you dont let him go chase the cows.
I also learned that the cow dog is very, very smart and listens so well that after being told a few times not to leave the yard, he will have to be dragged across the road to go chase the cows.
I learned that I dont have control over everything, that I never will have control and I have to learn to let things go. I am getting better at it, but as always, I am a work in progress.
I know that home is where your heart is, and my heart is safely in the sandhills. With Shawn, and Piper, our baby boy, a couple of crazy dogs, the horses and a couple hundred cows.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Adventures in Blogging
This is my first blog. Well, not really....I have been blogging on MySpace for over a year, but this is my first blog on a real, big girl blogging site!!
I have started this blog because my life is full of shenanigans and I guess I feel the need to share those shenanigans with the world. Or at least my family and friends who are not close enough to witness my crazy life. For my first posting...I will catch everyone up.
I was a single parent at 22 years old when my extremely precocious daughter, Piper Katherine, entered my world. She is now almost 7, and well, lets go with INDEPENDENT. Ya, that sounds good, she is independent. Wow..let me tell you.....whom ever coined the term terrible 2's must have left the parenting world at 2 because that was easy compared to 5 and 6. Now we have attitude (and it isnt cute anymore), devience (and it isnt cute anymore), defiance (and that isnt cute anymore either). That being said she is also beautiful, smart, funny, and more important, she is a good kid. She causes more mischief then I thought possible, but she loves her family and she loves her friends. She feels its important to be part of a team and be there for them (aka....soccer starts on the day of the Girl Scout field trip she doesnt want to go to, lol).
On November 8, 2008 I ended my life as a single parent by marrying by best friend, Shawn. We are currently living in Michigan, which is about 1100 miles away from where we want to be. Shawn grew up on a ranch in Western Nebraska in the BEAUTIFUL Sandhills. We met online (yeppers...we are an internet romance success story) in April 2007 and WHAT A DIFFERENCE 2 YEARS HAS MADE!!!!!!!!
We are currently in court hoping to relocate this summer back to NE. We dont belong in Michigan. While I love it here, and I love where I grew up, Nebraska became my home the first time I was there. It is the exact place I have always wanted to raise my family. Unfortunately, it isnt that easy when you share parenting (and I use that term LOOSELY) with someone else. Sooooo, because we agree to disagree I have to ask the State of Michigan if I can relocate with Pippers.
The only part I want people to understand is that this relocation is not coming from a place of hatred for her dad, or vengence/revenge. I have no reason to feel hate or want revenge. All I want, with Shawn, is the life that we know will provide the best possible future for our family. Out there we have a future, we have a family organization that hopefully will be part ours in the long run. It is laid back, quiet, respectful, happy, easy yet not without its challenges, all at the same time. It is safe, small and idealistic. I realize that what is ideal in my book isnt in anothers person. However I do feel that since Piper's dad hasnt made a single decision for her in her 6.5 years, and he has never spent more then 10 days at a time with her (which has only happened twice) that I be allowed to continue to make decisions and be the same parent I have been. Just in another state.
All of you know the gritty details, as we havent kept it from anyone. To be honest, I dont want to get into it again either....I am soooooo tired of having to deal with this!!! For over a year I have been hoping and praying, and now, on April 17, we will hopefully have an answer or at least a direction.
In my spare time (HA) I am the Manager of a hotel. I run a major chain hotel in a middle market. Its on the campus of a university. If these walls could talk....oh wait, they dont have to.....I HAVE A BLOG!!!! Please stay turned for hotel shenanigans...oh boy...I cant make that stuff up!!
My husband, the rancher, is stuck working retail at a farm supply store. Talk about a fish out of water. He is used to being outside in all elements, chasing down cows and fixing the fence the cow just ran through. Now he is working a cash register. We are here because we wanted to try life in MI. We knew it wouldnt be best for us, but for Piper's sake, we wanted to try. How do you ever say Thank You to the person who walked away from the only life he has ever known to relocate to the state with the worst unemployement in the nation? You cant. I simlpy say I Love You.
So thats us in a nutshell.....we are happy, very, very happy however chaotic our life my get. We have each other and that is all that matters.
I have started this blog because my life is full of shenanigans and I guess I feel the need to share those shenanigans with the world. Or at least my family and friends who are not close enough to witness my crazy life. For my first posting...I will catch everyone up.
I was a single parent at 22 years old when my extremely precocious daughter, Piper Katherine, entered my world. She is now almost 7, and well, lets go with INDEPENDENT. Ya, that sounds good, she is independent. Wow..let me tell you.....whom ever coined the term terrible 2's must have left the parenting world at 2 because that was easy compared to 5 and 6. Now we have attitude (and it isnt cute anymore), devience (and it isnt cute anymore), defiance (and that isnt cute anymore either). That being said she is also beautiful, smart, funny, and more important, she is a good kid. She causes more mischief then I thought possible, but she loves her family and she loves her friends. She feels its important to be part of a team and be there for them (aka....soccer starts on the day of the Girl Scout field trip she doesnt want to go to, lol).
On November 8, 2008 I ended my life as a single parent by marrying by best friend, Shawn. We are currently living in Michigan, which is about 1100 miles away from where we want to be. Shawn grew up on a ranch in Western Nebraska in the BEAUTIFUL Sandhills. We met online (yeppers...we are an internet romance success story) in April 2007 and WHAT A DIFFERENCE 2 YEARS HAS MADE!!!!!!!!
We are currently in court hoping to relocate this summer back to NE. We dont belong in Michigan. While I love it here, and I love where I grew up, Nebraska became my home the first time I was there. It is the exact place I have always wanted to raise my family. Unfortunately, it isnt that easy when you share parenting (and I use that term LOOSELY) with someone else. Sooooo, because we agree to disagree I have to ask the State of Michigan if I can relocate with Pippers.
The only part I want people to understand is that this relocation is not coming from a place of hatred for her dad, or vengence/revenge. I have no reason to feel hate or want revenge. All I want, with Shawn, is the life that we know will provide the best possible future for our family. Out there we have a future, we have a family organization that hopefully will be part ours in the long run. It is laid back, quiet, respectful, happy, easy yet not without its challenges, all at the same time. It is safe, small and idealistic. I realize that what is ideal in my book isnt in anothers person. However I do feel that since Piper's dad hasnt made a single decision for her in her 6.5 years, and he has never spent more then 10 days at a time with her (which has only happened twice) that I be allowed to continue to make decisions and be the same parent I have been. Just in another state.
All of you know the gritty details, as we havent kept it from anyone. To be honest, I dont want to get into it again either....I am soooooo tired of having to deal with this!!! For over a year I have been hoping and praying, and now, on April 17, we will hopefully have an answer or at least a direction.
In my spare time (HA) I am the Manager of a hotel. I run a major chain hotel in a middle market. Its on the campus of a university. If these walls could talk....oh wait, they dont have to.....I HAVE A BLOG!!!! Please stay turned for hotel shenanigans...oh boy...I cant make that stuff up!!
My husband, the rancher, is stuck working retail at a farm supply store. Talk about a fish out of water. He is used to being outside in all elements, chasing down cows and fixing the fence the cow just ran through. Now he is working a cash register. We are here because we wanted to try life in MI. We knew it wouldnt be best for us, but for Piper's sake, we wanted to try. How do you ever say Thank You to the person who walked away from the only life he has ever known to relocate to the state with the worst unemployement in the nation? You cant. I simlpy say I Love You.
So thats us in a nutshell.....we are happy, very, very happy however chaotic our life my get. We have each other and that is all that matters.
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