Originally Posted September 27, 2008 on MySpace
It is a beautiful, fall day in Michigan today. There isnt a cloud in the sky and it currently 65 degrees out.
PERFECT!!!
So why am I dreading this day so very much? Because I am babysitting a parking lot that is full of people who want to park here and walk to the football game, but cant park here because they are not staying here.
I will explain....for those of you who do not know, my hotel is located on the beautiful campus of Central Michigan Univeristy. DIRECTLY across from the football stadium. While this is a blessing to the people who own my hotel those of us who are left to keep the rif raf out, well, we hate it.
In addition to the people who dont want to pay $8 to park on campus we also have another problem.
Tailgating. Students. Non-football fans.
They are a royal pain in my ass.
I am not a total parking lot nazi, I just let a players grandparents park and stay here. I just need to make sure that the people who are paying $159 a night to stay here have a place to park. That shouldnt be such a tough task.
Enter, tailgaters.
CMU has a sanctioned tailgating lot on campus. RIGHT across the street from the hotels. It opens 3 hours prior to kick off and the police clear it out as soon as the ball is kicked into play. From what I have seen last year, majority of those kids dont go to the game.
Here is the process...lets go with a 4pm start time:
Tailgating opens at 1pm
Students line up at 1030am
Guest arrive at 12pm and get pissy because they cant get into their rooms (check out isnt until 12pm...see the problem here).
Football FANS start showing up for the game (novel concept) at 300 but thankfully the tailgaters are in the tailgating lot, so there are off the road. HOWEVER, they are also in all the parking lots soooo, people who arrive ontime for a game want to park in my parking lot.
NO. Big fat, capital N-O.
Kick off is at 4pm.
Tailgaters are kicked out at 4pm.
HOLY HELL BREAKS LOOSE at 405pm.
The tailgating lot is on top of a big hill.....and since they have been drinking for several hours, none of them can walk in a straight line. Thankfully, they are spmart enough not go to their cars and drive, then they would simply run someone over. Since the police are the ones who patrol the lot, they are the ones who close the lot, the student tend not to blatenly drink and drive in front of the police.
However, that is where our porblems begin. I will give you an example from last years Shennanigans (yes, Jessica and Troy, I know, I said Shennanigans) After drinking for hours and hours a prissy, 20 year old college female in a demin mini skirt and 4 inch heels, needs to use the restroom. There is no way in hell she is going to go anywhere near the 10 port-a-potties CMU puts in the tailgating lot, so she is going to head down to the "public" bathrooms at the hotels.
Sidenote...nothing but trouble can be expected from a girl who goes to a college football game dressed like that.
Walking down the hill....well, walking isnt usually what happens as much as falling/rolling (as gracefully as possible) until you reach the bottom. Due to the lack of blood in her alcohol stream, it doesnt matter what shoes or how steep the hill...she has issues.
Next, she will attempt to cross the road without landing herself in an ambulance cause that would put a serious damber in her evening festivities. Judging by the look on her face, she doenst understand why the cars do not WANT to stop as she fixes her skirt in the middle of the road. Once she makes it to the other side and BAM...there is a ditch. Down she goes again...hair a mess, purse (why she has it to begin with, I dont know) gone, skirt is a mess again (that should tell her something) and we wont even talk about her shirt because this is a family friendly blog. Eventually she will make it to the front door, where we will ask her if she is a guest at the hotel......"YES" she proudly anncounes. She thinks she has it covered.
"Ok, which room?"
"Ummm...I dont remember, I will check when I get inside."
"Thats ok, I can find it for you, whats your last name?"
"Well, its actually my step dads, brothers uncles room and I dont know his last name"
"Ok, well then we have a problem because I cant let you in without a name or room number."
"Seriously, I dont have anyone here, I just need to pee, can I please use your bathroom, I always do, you have never not let me in" (she is playing with her messy hair now which just annoys me more
"I am so sorry, this isnt a public restroom, so you need to find somewhere else."
**DISCLAIMER: Not a family friendly blog after this point**
"You Fucking bitch, I need you to let me in NOW or I am going to pee all over your front door and you cant kick me out."
"True, I cant kick you out because you are not coming in, but I can not let you in and if you have to go to the bathroom that bad, I suggest you stop having a fit at my front door and start walking. Bennigans is right next to me (we share a building) try there."
"You fucking bitch, I hate you, you are the meanest person I have ever met. ALL I have to do is PEE and you wont let me IN!"
Now, the mascara is starting to run because she is crying because that is why drunk 20 year old girls do, is cry.
The only part that keeps me from losing my temper is that her hair is a mess, her skirt is crooked, her puse is upside down and half empty and her shirt is covered in grass stains.
The best/worst part is that the poor thing thinks she looks FANTABULOUS!
Later in the night the police will be called, the fire alarm will be pulled (because that are grown adults who still think that is funny, almost as much as it was in 2nd grade), rooms will be trashed, employees will want to quit, people will be kicked out, complaints will be made, police will probably be called again, and eventually, around 3am.....they will all go to sleep.
The hotels will be calm again.
In the morning, complaints will be made, rooms will be discounted or comped, threats will be made, employees will want to quit, so on and so forth.
Its a vicious cycle and we do it 5 times a year.
No one ever really quits. Well, I try to, but they keep telling me no.
Its a hotel managers view of what happens on a beautiful, fall day in a college town. Shit, here we go again.......
FIRE UP CHIPS!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment