Originally posted on MySpace September 20, 2008
have quite a few friends whose children are younger then mine is, so often times we sit and discuss our children. I can usually give them a good idea of what lays ahead. This can work in many different scenarios, such as sleeping, eating, school, friends, discipline, support, things like that. I try never to tell anyone what to do, but tell them what works/worked for me, and give them idea. Most importantly, I let them know that whatever their child has tried, mine has done it also, survived and we all moved on in our happy little lives.
This is one of those moments I would like to share.....please first understand that I am not a mom who flips her lid over her childs actions. No, I am much more laid back (maybe to much) but I believe that kids are kids and unless there are more than 206 bones in her body (meaning 1 bone is now in more then 1 piece), massive, FLOWING blood (key word there is FLOWING, and not massive by a 5 year olds standards), or she is unconscious, I dont freak out. Chances are, she has already flipped her lid so I must maintain my sanity for the sake of our neighborhood (and so I can calm her down before someone calls the police thinking she is being killed).
Last night Shawn and I were remenicing of one of the first adventures Shawn had on his long trek into the "parenthood". Like most children, my daughter has a strange fascination with boogers. It started when she was about 2, and while I have managed to stop it for the most part....occasionally, when looking in the rear-view mirror, I can still see her index finger making its way to her face but not nearly as often as before "the incident".
P.S. Telling her that if she eats her boogers she will get a booger farm in her tummy does not stop a child obsessed with boogers. Sadly, it can escalate the issue at hand. Please, use that as a last resort.
We were driving to Denver International Airport on our way home from a week in Nebraska in January. It was later in the afternoon because our flight wasnt actually until the following morning, so we were taking our time on our way to the hotel for the night. We had Karen's car and Piper had made herself at home in the back. We made our obligatory stop at KFC for her, she had a drink, food, a DVD and a Dora movie...she was good. I had her settled in, Shawn and I had drinks, good weather, the 3 hour drive was going to go by peacefully.
Somewhere along the lines....about 90 minutes into I-76, my pixie faced princess, starts messing around with her napkin. She is ripping it, throwing it, eating it, everything but what it is meant for....which I tell her is getting the food off her face and blowing her nose.
Uh oh...there I said it. I reminded her of her nose. Whatever, as long as she isnt eating her napkin anymore in place of her chicken leg, then I dont care.
Until the whimpering starts. "mommy" she calls....and I am deep in conversation with Shawn about something, trying to keep myself awake as the sun is now gone and the long highway is now long and pitch black.
"mommy"
"yes Piper"
"my nose hurts"
"get your finger out of it"
"my finger isnt in my nose"
"well what is then?"
I turn around to look and there she is, my little girl with a big piece of napkin shooved up her left nostril. She starts laughing hysterically, because after all she is the funniest person she knows....and possibly at the look on my face. I reach back and yank it out of her nose.....turn around and on our merry way we go.
Until...."mommy"
"yes Piper"
"my nose still hurts"
"get your finger out of it"
"No mommy, my nose hurts up here" and she points to farther up her nose, near the bridge of her nose. She is at that point now, the point where I have to be sane to calm her down because of hysterics...the one where people may think she is dying....yep...that point. In a car. On a dark, desolate highway.
Ok, so I-76 is alot of things but desolate isnt one of them.
ANYWAY...by now, I am halfway into the back of the car and I can feel a large lump in the bridge of her nose. I have her tip her head back, fulling expecting to see a marble or a barbie shoe......but nothing. I cant see anything. Feel her nose again...yep....something is there....look back into her nose....nothing visible.
I get back into my seat, look at Shawn and he says whats going on......I tell him she has something stuck up her nose.
"What?"
"She has something stuck up her nose."
"What does she has stuck up her nose?"
"I dont know, I cant see it but I can feel it."
Piper is now in a full on panic (and I am not far behind) wondering now "if this thing is ever going to come out of my nose or will it be there forever"
Shawn has now gotten off the highway, at an exit that looked to me like it belonged in a bad Stephen King movie.
I get back into the back seat of the car, with a napkin, asking Piper the whole time what exactly did she stick up her nose.
"nothing mommy, just the napkin and my finger" Classic.
I hold the napkin to the tear stained, red, bumpy nosed face, semi screaming, semi laughing 5 year old and calmy tell her to blow her nose.
She does....at least she says she does, but it didnt feel like it to me.
Harder. The hardest you have ever blown your nose (Shawn is standing in the passenger door now, trying hard not to laugh, and I am sure he is seriously reconsidering this whole parenthood thing at this time.)
Again, harder I tell her. Now she is yelling at me about how hard she is blowing her nose, and she is very upset and scared and my yelling at her isnt helping.
Seriously, she is a piece of work at times. I am trying to think of the best way for me to calming ask Shawn where the nearest ER is located because I didnt think we would be able to get it out. I really didnt want to make that phone call to my mom either.....
Hi mom...yeah, things are good...no, we had to make a stop on our way to the hotel. We are at the ER because Piper got something shoved so far up her nose I cant get it out. I think we will make our flight unless they have to do surgery to remove it, I will let you know.
Yeah, that is not a phone call you want to make to Mimi.
Finally, she calms down enough to try again and she listens (or she is so pissed off at me) she blows really hard and I feel it, whatever it is, land in the napkin.
"YEAH"...she yells....."I can breathe out of this side of my nose again Mommy!!"
I look at the napkin to find out the offending object stuck up Piper's nose was the top portion of the napkin I had yanked out earlier. It was good sized and must have been jammed up into her sinus cavity because it was there....I could feel it, but I couldnt see it. After looking at the crumpled, ball of napkin and snot, I was amazed at how far she had it up there. I think Shawn was impressed and he states he is really happy because he has no idea where the nearest hospital is.
Great minds think alike, we both thought we would need professional help. I was thrilled I didnt have to call and explain to work that I missed my flight home because Piper had a napkin stuck up her nose.
We started driving. Piper is back enthralled in her Dora movie, drinking her Dr. Pepper and eating her 2 hour hold chicken leg. We looked at each other and I said "welcome to the parenthood honey" and we started to laugh. This is the point in time where Piper interjected her opinion that if I had left the napkin in her nose and not pulled it out, none of this would have been a problem. Mom. (she ends everything with Mom. She uses it like puntucation.)
Of course it was my fault. Everything is my fault. I am the mom....duh.
I wanted to share what is now referred to as "the incident" with everyone because at sometime, you child will stick something up their nose. Maybe a finger. Maybe a napkin. Maybe a marble or a barbie shoe. Regardless, most parents have been through it before, and our children all lived without any major, traumatic scars. Well....she may have scars inside her nose, but I will deal with that when I have to.
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