Oh where or where did my little dog go?????

Isnt he cute? That's Junior, aka, the one eyed bird dog.

He got into a discussion with a porcuppine when he was about a year old, resulting in the loss of his right eye. Doesnt hinder him much, he is still a hellova hunting dog and if he had thumbs, he would be deadly :-)

Anyway, Junior is just one half of my canine children. He is an 8 year old Irish Setter whose most favorite things to do are 1) lay in the sun and 2) lay in the house and 3) lay anywhere after chasing something.

He also thinks that he is freezing to death anytime he is outside and its below 40 degrees.

***Sidebar***

Junior didnt come into the house at all before I moved in with Shawn. He is more like a big moose then anything else....grace is NOT his strong point. This is also why he loves me more.

So a few weeks ago, I went to let the boys inside for the evening. Husker, the 2 year old cow-dog cannot be trusted to not chase the calves at night....he doesnt mean to be naughty, he just cant help it and it tends to result in mass hysteria, broken fences and wandering cattle. Those things tend to result in a crabby hubby. So its better for all involved to keep him inside. He is a "Have cows, will chase" kinda dog.

Anyhoo....I went to the door and to my suprise, Husker was there. Usually he is the one I have to call and call because he is off chasing something...deer, rabbits, coyotes....doesnt matter...he will chase anything that will run.

I kept calling and calling...no Junior.

It was cold too...about 5 out so I knew that he must be in some kind of trouble. He is usually sitting at the door, staring...willing it to open without any human help.

Upon stepping outside, I heared a low howl and wimper. It sounded like it came from behind the house, in the trees. So I did what any pet loving Mom would do when its 5 degrees out and 8pm at night.

I went and got my husband.

Upon explaining to him my concerns, and his attempting to blow it off with a "he will be fine. He is scrappy" and my resulting "look" he begrudingly got out of his chair and went looking for him.

10 minutes....no Junior.

20 minutes...no Junior.

30 minutes...Shawn (without Junior) gets into the pick up to go look around the side and back of the house.

By this time I have Husker in and am attempting to keep my mind from wandering by doing the dishes. Judging by how Husker he wont leave my side, I know he is just as worried about his big brother as I am.

No, he wasnt after the scraps.....he was genuinely concerned.

Try as I might my imagination starts to work overtime now.....straight to the coyotes. Specifically to a conversation Shawn and I recently had after Husker took off in the cow pasture after a coyote. It was then that my husband choose to inform me that "1 coyote he could take, but sometimes they will run over a hill and there is the rest of the pack. Neither of them would be in good shape if a pack got after them."

Junior is a scrappy hunting dog. He is incredibly strong and I have no doubt that if he came face to face with 1 coyote, he would initialize some swift, western style justice on his hairy hide.

However if there was more then 1, he would be screwed.

I thought about how we can hear to them (the pack) in the mornings when I start my car and in the evenings when we feed the dogs. I think about Shawn telling me on almost a daily basis that he said 2 to 3 of them in the meadow across the street and of course, I think about our late friend who wandered onto my roof.

I was just certain that Junior had met an unfortunate encounter with a pack of coyotes and he was now in major pain, unable to get back to the sound of my voice because with only 1 good eye he cant manuever that well in the dark.

Which is the farthest thing from accurate....he is crazy good in the dark.

After 20 minutes Shawn comes home, and I go outside to welcome him, hug Junior and ask where he found him....but sadly, Junior didnt jump out of the truck. Shawn gave me a look that was a combination of slight worry and more "dont even ask me to go looking for him again because its his own damn fault he wandered off and its now -5".

Then I heard him AGAIN. A slight wimper....close. Frightenly close.

As in, right in front of where Shawn just parked his truck.

"Did you check the garage?" He asked me.

"No. He sounded like he was behind the house....not in front of me."

To this Shawn turns and walks to the garage, opens the door and of course, Junior comes running out!!

I am so happy he is alive and happy and hasnt met an unfortunate fate with the local pack of coyotes or another porcuppine! I give him big hugs, love on him like he was missing for days, not a hour.

I turned to give Shawn to say THANK YOU and give him a hug and kiss and he is giving me a look that stops me before I get my arms around him. Typical boy...not my fault he is more rational then I am about these things.

His response "next time, check the garage first."

I nod, "I will." Because we both know, there will be a next time.

***Sidebar #2***

I was not the last person in the garage that day.

Reposted blogs

Someone recently suggested to me that I combine the blogs I have into one....which was a fantastic idea!! So as you may notice, I now have severeal MORE blogs from a year or so ago that appeared today. These are some of the more amusing (to me) blogs I wrote on my MySpace page.

Enjoy!!!

Me + Snakes + Shotgun = ???? (repost)

Originally posted on MySpace August 27, 2008


Many of you know that of my many quailities, being rational isnt always one of my strongest. I know this and I have accepted this. When it comes to my irrational behavior, nothing makes me behave more out of control then snakes.

I fear them.

I loathe them.

I think they are good for nothing but a pair of boots or a belt, neither of which I would wear but still.

I have spent my life with my eternal boy scout of a father who strongly believes in the "reptile relocation" program while I support the "run the over with the lawn mower" group. Now, however, I face a bigger battle.

My future husband.

I adore him. He (and Piper) are my world. A world where in NE, we happen to have large snakes that live in the area.

Now, I know that they wont hurt me (bull snakes) and apparentely they are more afraid of me then I am of them (that one is debatable) and thankfully, he isnt a fan of them either.

Now...the reason for my blog.....this weekend we went on a great ride in the hills. While we were coming across the meadow in front of the house, heading back home, we (my horse and I) stepped over a big bull snake.

I trotted up a little, Buck didnt care...squealed like a 5 year old a little bit and Shawn told me I handled that well. We contiuned on and he wisely changed the subject but never did I stop thinking about the snake as I was sure if/when I looked behind it...it was watching me.

The rest of the day comes and goes....and I end up coming home. After another nightmare round of flights (thank you Northwest AGAIN) I make it home. I tell my dad how proud he should be of me, that Shawn was proud of me and how I handled the snake issue.

Last night, as I was obsessing again about the snake, we (Shawn and I) started talking about it again and the now infestation I have (brewing in my head of course) of how many of those HUGE snakes in the front yard.

First he tells me it wasnt that big....they get like 6 feet ( WRONG answer 1)

Then he tells me about the time one found its way into his friends parents house (again, not a good answer)

THEN he tells me I CANNOT spend $1000 on de-snakifying my front yard (seriously...my sanity isnt worth anything to him).

I asked if I could spend $50, and he said maybe...for the entire year (seriously now.....) but a "shell" would cost less.

A shell? I question...???

Yes, a shot gun shell.

Lets get a mental picture shall we.....

ME...completely irrational, out of control, possibly hyperventelating trying to corral the dogs (and kids) in the garage, grabbing the shot gun, LOADING it without shooting myself, a dog OR my husband (whose brilliant idea it was to give me the loaded weapon in the presence of a snake), taking aim at the snake in the middle of the front yard...pulling the trigger from 20 yards away (thats how close I would have to get.....which is about 80 yards closer then I would like) and HOPING I get the snake.

I would probably kill all the trees, take out a few windows, probably a hole or 10 in the walls...maybe some other small, innocent animals.....terrify my horses and dogs, entertaining the children.....lets not talk about where the husband would be because if he is around and I am taking care of the snake, we have a completely seperate set of issues to deal with, and all in all...the damn snake would live to terrorize me again.

I ask you....should I have access to a shot gun in the presence of a snake or no??

My pixie faced princess: The nose picker Repost

Originally posted on MySpace September 20, 2008


have quite a few friends whose children are younger then mine is, so often times we sit and discuss our children. I can usually give them a good idea of what lays ahead. This can work in many different scenarios, such as sleeping, eating, school, friends, discipline, support, things like that. I try never to tell anyone what to do, but tell them what works/worked for me, and give them idea. Most importantly, I let them know that whatever their child has tried, mine has done it also, survived and we all moved on in our happy little lives.
This is one of those moments I would like to share.....please first understand that I am not a mom who flips her lid over her childs actions. No, I am much more laid back (maybe to much) but I believe that kids are kids and unless there are more than 206 bones in her body (meaning 1 bone is now in more then 1 piece), massive, FLOWING blood (key word there is FLOWING, and not massive by a 5 year olds standards), or she is unconscious, I dont freak out. Chances are, she has already flipped her lid so I must maintain my sanity for the sake of our neighborhood (and so I can calm her down before someone calls the police thinking she is being killed).
Last night Shawn and I were remenicing of one of the first adventures Shawn had on his long trek into the "parenthood". Like most children, my daughter has a strange fascination with boogers. It started when she was about 2, and while I have managed to stop it for the most part....occasionally, when looking in the rear-view mirror, I can still see her index finger making its way to her face but not nearly as often as before "the incident".
P.S. Telling her that if she eats her boogers she will get a booger farm in her tummy does not stop a child obsessed with boogers. Sadly, it can escalate the issue at hand. Please, use that as a last resort.
We were driving to Denver International Airport on our way home from a week in Nebraska in January. It was later in the afternoon because our flight wasnt actually until the following morning, so we were taking our time on our way to the hotel for the night. We had Karen's car and Piper had made herself at home in the back. We made our obligatory stop at KFC for her, she had a drink, food, a DVD and a Dora movie...she was good. I had her settled in, Shawn and I had drinks, good weather, the 3 hour drive was going to go by peacefully.
Somewhere along the lines....about 90 minutes into I-76, my pixie faced princess, starts messing around with her napkin. She is ripping it, throwing it, eating it, everything but what it is meant for....which I tell her is getting the food off her face and blowing her nose.
Uh oh...there I said it. I reminded her of her nose. Whatever, as long as she isnt eating her napkin anymore in place of her chicken leg, then I dont care.
Until the whimpering starts. "mommy" she calls....and I am deep in conversation with Shawn about something, trying to keep myself awake as the sun is now gone and the long highway is now long and pitch black.
"mommy"
"yes Piper"
"my nose hurts"
"get your finger out of it"
"my finger isnt in my nose"
"well what is then?"
I turn around to look and there she is, my little girl with a big piece of napkin shooved up her left nostril. She starts laughing hysterically, because after all she is the funniest person she knows....and possibly at the look on my face. I reach back and yank it out of her nose.....turn around and on our merry way we go.
Until...."mommy"
"yes Piper"
"my nose still hurts"
"get your finger out of it"
"No mommy, my nose hurts up here" and she points to farther up her nose, near the bridge of her nose. She is at that point now, the point where I have to be sane to calm her down because of hysterics...the one where people may think she is dying....yep...that point. In a car. On a dark, desolate highway.
Ok, so I-76 is alot of things but desolate isnt one of them.
ANYWAY...by now, I am halfway into the back of the car and I can feel a large lump in the bridge of her nose. I have her tip her head back, fulling expecting to see a marble or a barbie shoe......but nothing. I cant see anything. Feel her nose again...yep....something is there....look back into her nose....nothing visible.
I get back into my seat, look at Shawn and he says whats going on......I tell him she has something stuck up her nose.
"What?"
"She has something stuck up her nose."
"What does she has stuck up her nose?"
"I dont know, I cant see it but I can feel it."
Piper is now in a full on panic (and I am not far behind) wondering now "if this thing is ever going to come out of my nose or will it be there forever"
Shawn has now gotten off the highway, at an exit that looked to me like it belonged in a bad Stephen King movie.
I get back into the back seat of the car, with a napkin, asking Piper the whole time what exactly did she stick up her nose.
"nothing mommy, just the napkin and my finger" Classic.
I hold the napkin to the tear stained, red, bumpy nosed face, semi screaming, semi laughing 5 year old and calmy tell her to blow her nose.
She does....at least she says she does, but it didnt feel like it to me.
Harder. The hardest you have ever blown your nose (Shawn is standing in the passenger door now, trying hard not to laugh, and I am sure he is seriously reconsidering this whole parenthood thing at this time.)
Again, harder I tell her. Now she is yelling at me about how hard she is blowing her nose, and she is very upset and scared and my yelling at her isnt helping.
Seriously, she is a piece of work at times. I am trying to think of the best way for me to calming ask Shawn where the nearest ER is located because I didnt think we would be able to get it out. I really didnt want to make that phone call to my mom either.....
Hi mom...yeah, things are good...no, we had to make a stop on our way to the hotel. We are at the ER because Piper got something shoved so far up her nose I cant get it out. I think we will make our flight unless they have to do surgery to remove it, I will let you know.
Yeah, that is not a phone call you want to make to Mimi.
Finally, she calms down enough to try again and she listens (or she is so pissed off at me) she blows really hard and I feel it, whatever it is, land in the napkin.
"YEAH"...she yells....."I can breathe out of this side of my nose again Mommy!!"
I look at the napkin to find out the offending object stuck up Piper's nose was the top portion of the napkin I had yanked out earlier. It was good sized and must have been jammed up into her sinus cavity because it was there....I could feel it, but I couldnt see it. After looking at the crumpled, ball of napkin and snot, I was amazed at how far she had it up there. I think Shawn was impressed and he states he is really happy because he has no idea where the nearest hospital is.
Great minds think alike, we both thought we would need professional help. I was thrilled I didnt have to call and explain to work that I missed my flight home because Piper had a napkin stuck up her nose.
We started driving. Piper is back enthralled in her Dora movie, drinking her Dr. Pepper and eating her 2 hour hold chicken leg. We looked at each other and I said "welcome to the parenthood honey" and we started to laugh. This is the point in time where Piper interjected her opinion that if I had left the napkin in her nose and not pulled it out, none of this would have been a problem. Mom. (she ends everything with Mom. She uses it like puntucation.)
Of course it was my fault. Everything is my fault. I am the mom....duh.
I wanted to share what is now referred to as "the incident" with everyone because at sometime, you child will stick something up their nose. Maybe a finger. Maybe a napkin. Maybe a marble or a barbie shoe. Regardless, most parents have been through it before, and our children all lived without any major, traumatic scars. Well....she may have scars inside her nose, but I will deal with that when I have to.

Piper + gravity = ER

Originally posted on MySpace September 24 2008


It was a beautiful evening in Midland. Crisp, fall air, the changing leaves, a perfect fall day.
We went to register for Girl Scouts, then had to run over to Piper's school to drop some papers off to Amy for Lilly's Scout registration. The girls were playing on the playgroud and I was chatting with Amy and her mom, when Lilly came over, semi cry because she just fell off the monkey bars. Amy sent her back on her way after ensuring nothing was permanmently damanged and we looked over at my monkey child, to which I uttered the infamous word I have now come to regret:

"I am amazed I havent ended up in the ER with her yet."

Amy told me I jinxed myself, Nah, I said.....I say that about her all the time and nothing...she may fall, but she wont get hurt to bad.

Then it happened. Not 5 minutes later. I didnt see it, but I heard it and I heard her. Turning around, I saw her laying on the ground, screaming, holding her arm.

By the time I got to her (which I didnt run, that only freaks her out more....I have done traumatic moments with her before....my panic becomes her panic) her left elbow was twice the size of the right one. I scooped her up, made sure her wrist and fingers worked, her shoulder was alright, so it was obvious the issue was in the middle.

Piper has a very high pain tolerance so I waited a few minutes to see if she would relax and calm down. She never did. She got a stomach ache. She got a headache and said her arm was getting cold.

At this time, my concern got greater because now she is not only quiet, and still crying about her arm, but she seems to be going into shock. I called Shawn, got him and off to the ER we went.
Of course, they were packed, and not very nice. Thankfully, Piper was such a good girl and tried so hard to be tough, that they put us in a room in the back so that we didnt have to wait it out in the waiting room.

Waiting it out meant 2 hours of sitting there waiting for someone to come and see us. There wasnt any comfortable way for her to lay down, no where really for Shawn and I to sit to snuggle with her.....just not condusive to a 6 y/o with a busted up arm. Heart attacks are probably very comfortable, so would be the occasional drunk person who doesnt want anyone to touch them but a 6 y/o with a painful arm who just wants her mommy to sit on the bed with her and make her arm feel better, not so much.

Dr. Newman finally comes in and he is very nice. VERY good with her and says he thinks is a break in the lower part of her humuorus bone. Off to X-Ray we go. First they gave us some pain killers for her, with a narcotic to help take the pain way.

X-Ray was the worst part, as any of us who have had X-Rays can attest to. If you have never had to help your child move their arm into positions that are extrememly painful in a room full of big, white equipment with strangers telling her what to do, its the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I wanted to cry with her, but I couldnt because I had to have my big girl panties on.
Anyway, she gets the X-Rays done, the tech's let Shawn look at them but I waited in the hallway with Piper. We go back to the ER, and what do you know....the medicine has kicked in. She is not asleep. She doesnt feel any pain, but she isnt asleep.

Mental note: codene is a STIMULANT for Piper.

She is now chatty, chatty, chatty and keeping all the ER nurses entertained. Apparently, since everyone else in Midland County had already been treated and sent home she had a fairly captive audience.

Dr. Newman comes in a says what he knew already, she broke the bottom bone of her humurous. Nothing shifted in the wrong place, everything looks good so here is the Orthopedic Surgeons number, call him in the morning.
She has a splint from her finger tips to her shoulder, and a sling with Charlie Brown on it. She slept with us last night, in the middle of us because we were worried about her rolling over on it.

The appointment with the specialist is tomorrow at 1030am.

She wants a hot pink cast. The wedding is in 6 weeks. Most casts are on for 8.....stay turned for the beautiful flower girl with the hot pink cast!!

What did I do to deserve this??? - Repost

Originally Posted September 27, 2008 on MySpace


It is a beautiful, fall day in Michigan today. There isnt a cloud in the sky and it currently 65 degrees out.
PERFECT!!!
So why am I dreading this day so very much? Because I am babysitting a parking lot that is full of people who want to park here and walk to the football game, but cant park here because they are not staying here.
I will explain....for those of you who do not know, my hotel is located on the beautiful campus of Central Michigan Univeristy. DIRECTLY across from the football stadium. While this is a blessing to the people who own my hotel those of us who are left to keep the rif raf out, well, we hate it.
In addition to the people who dont want to pay $8 to park on campus we also have another problem.
Tailgating. Students. Non-football fans.
They are a royal pain in my ass.
I am not a total parking lot nazi, I just let a players grandparents park and stay here. I just need to make sure that the people who are paying $159 a night to stay here have a place to park. That shouldnt be such a tough task.
Enter, tailgaters.
CMU has a sanctioned tailgating lot on campus. RIGHT across the street from the hotels. It opens 3 hours prior to kick off and the police clear it out as soon as the ball is kicked into play. From what I have seen last year, majority of those kids dont go to the game.
Here is the process...lets go with a 4pm start time:
Tailgating opens at 1pm
Students line up at 1030am
Guest arrive at 12pm and get pissy because they cant get into their rooms (check out isnt until 12pm...see the problem here).
Football FANS start showing up for the game (novel concept) at 300 but thankfully the tailgaters are in the tailgating lot, so there are off the road. HOWEVER, they are also in all the parking lots soooo, people who arrive ontime for a game want to park in my parking lot.
NO. Big fat, capital N-O.
Kick off is at 4pm.
Tailgaters are kicked out at 4pm.
HOLY HELL BREAKS LOOSE at 405pm.
The tailgating lot is on top of a big hill.....and since they have been drinking for several hours, none of them can walk in a straight line. Thankfully, they are spmart enough not go to their cars and drive, then they would simply run someone over. Since the police are the ones who patrol the lot, they are the ones who close the lot, the student tend not to blatenly drink and drive in front of the police.
However, that is where our porblems begin. I will give you an example from last years Shennanigans (yes, Jessica and Troy, I know, I said Shennanigans) After drinking for hours and hours a prissy, 20 year old college female in a demin mini skirt and 4 inch heels, needs to use the restroom. There is no way in hell she is going to go anywhere near the 10 port-a-potties CMU puts in the tailgating lot, so she is going to head down to the "public" bathrooms at the hotels.
Sidenote...nothing but trouble can be expected from a girl who goes to a college football game dressed like that.
Walking down the hill....well, walking isnt usually what happens as much as falling/rolling (as gracefully as possible) until you reach the bottom. Due to the lack of blood in her alcohol stream, it doesnt matter what shoes or how steep the hill...she has issues.
Next, she will attempt to cross the road without landing herself in an ambulance cause that would put a serious damber in her evening festivities. Judging by the look on her face, she doenst understand why the cars do not WANT to stop as she fixes her skirt in the middle of the road. Once she makes it to the other side and BAM...there is a ditch. Down she goes again...hair a mess, purse (why she has it to begin with, I dont know) gone, skirt is a mess again (that should tell her something) and we wont even talk about her shirt because this is a family friendly blog. Eventually she will make it to the front door, where we will ask her if she is a guest at the hotel......"YES" she proudly anncounes. She thinks she has it covered.
"Ok, which room?"
"Ummm...I dont remember, I will check when I get inside."
"Thats ok, I can find it for you, whats your last name?"
"Well, its actually my step dads, brothers uncles room and I dont know his last name"
"Ok, well then we have a problem because I cant let you in without a name or room number."
"Seriously, I dont have anyone here, I just need to pee, can I please use your bathroom, I always do, you have never not let me in" (she is playing with her messy hair now which just annoys me more
"I am so sorry, this isnt a public restroom, so you need to find somewhere else."
**DISCLAIMER: Not a family friendly blog after this point**
"You Fucking bitch, I need you to let me in NOW or I am going to pee all over your front door and you cant kick me out."
"True, I cant kick you out because you are not coming in, but I can not let you in and if you have to go to the bathroom that bad, I suggest you stop having a fit at my front door and start walking. Bennigans is right next to me (we share a building) try there."
"You fucking bitch, I hate you, you are the meanest person I have ever met. ALL I have to do is PEE and you wont let me IN!"
Now, the mascara is starting to run because she is crying because that is why drunk 20 year old girls do, is cry.
The only part that keeps me from losing my temper is that her hair is a mess, her skirt is crooked, her puse is upside down and half empty and her shirt is covered in grass stains.
The best/worst part is that the poor thing thinks she looks FANTABULOUS!
Later in the night the police will be called, the fire alarm will be pulled (because that are grown adults who still think that is funny, almost as much as it was in 2nd grade), rooms will be trashed, employees will want to quit, people will be kicked out, complaints will be made, police will probably be called again, and eventually, around 3am.....they will all go to sleep.
The hotels will be calm again.
In the morning, complaints will be made, rooms will be discounted or comped, threats will be made, employees will want to quit, so on and so forth.
Its a vicious cycle and we do it 5 times a year.
No one ever really quits. Well, I try to, but they keep telling me no.
Its a hotel managers view of what happens on a beautiful, fall day in a college town. Shit, here we go again.......
FIRE UP CHIPS!!!

Ireland - Repost

Originally posted on MySpace October 22, 2008


"A life without dreams is not a life."

Thats a favorite quote of mine. Being I have an over active imagination, my dreams tend to get in the way of reality. Or maybe vice versa. Regardless, living a life without having any dreams would be wortheless. Dreams, goals and aspirations drive a person.

Well, they drive me.

One of my dreams came true 2 years ago today. I had always wanted to ride horses in Ireland and see a castle or 2. I managed to ride in Ireland, sleep in a castle for 4 nights, visit crazy cool towns and see more castles. My trip was a haunted vacation and while nothing happened in the castles, something crazy did happen on my ride, which I will be more then happy to tell you about. I did get some wicked cool pix that the internet just does not do justice. All I can say is that some non-believers questioned their non- belief after my pix.
Ireland will always be in my heart and that trip will always be special. It was my first time traveling alone, let alone traveling alone to another country. It was a chance to do something major by myself and it was making a long time dream come true.

It feels really good to make your dreams come true!!