The Boy in the Trees

The best and move revealing conversations typically happen in the 8 minute morning drive when I take Piper into school. Usually the first 6 minutes are very quiet (or loudly singing along to Lady Gaga) and then in the last 90 seconds she throws out something out there that I really wish she had brought up in the 360 seconds prior OR after I have had my moring coffee (which I didnt drink until she became 7).

Today was no exception.....

Please know that all names with the exception of Piper's have been changed to protect the innocent....and Piper's wasnt changed because I am her mom and its my right to exploit the traumatic milestones in her life.

"Mom, did you know that Tommy wanted to KILL Willy last week."

"Thats not very nice. Why would he want to do that?"

(insert deep sigh) "Because Willy was talking to Sally." (also insert look that implies I am stupid for not knowing the latest drama from Arthur Elementary School.)

"So...why did that make Tommy mad?"

(please insert same sigh as above only DEEPER and add rolling eyes) "Because Tommy and Sally are boyfriend and girlfriend and Tommy wanted to KILL Willy because he was talking to his girlfriend."

"Well thats silly, and it isnt nice to want to kill someone. Do you have a boyfriend?"

(insert crazed psycho look) "NO!!!!!"

"Just wondering"

"Well, there was a boy who wanted me to go into the trees with him at the last basketball game but I wouldnt go without Patty and Farrah and he didnt want them to go with me but I wasnt going to go without them. I think he wanted to ask me to be boyfriend and girlfriend but I didnt go mom. "

At this time I slow down because like I said....90 seconds left in our commute and I wanted to know how the tree boy thing ended up.

"Do you know who he is?"

"Well, no, but they said his name started with a W and ended in a -illy so I think I know who it is."

"And what would you say if you did go into the trees with him?"

"I dont know...gotta go, LOVE YOU MOM"

Of all the times for us to arrive at school and her jump out of the car, that conversation wasnt the one I wanted it to happen in. I couldnt believe it. My 7 year old has already had a boy ask her to meet him in the trees!!! It cant be possible...I know what happens in those trees....it was because of a boy and asking me to meet him behind the tires that I earned my first trip to the principals office. I told Jason not to kiss me and he did anyway....so I punched him....I was in kindergarten.

His name has NOT been changed to protect his innocence...he is 30 now.

I know I cant stop her from growing up and thankfully, Little Willy is the one boy in her class that I really like. Super polite and very sweet. Plus I know his mom. Well heck, I know all the moms in town.....

But still.....on the drive home all I can think about is how am I going to tell Shawn about this....he has big plans for the boys in Piper's life (or the boys who attempt to be in Piper's life I should say). Some of those plans involve electric fencing, barb wire and shotguns. I really hope he doesnt plan on enacting those plans on 7 year old Little Willy.

I stop my car in the middle of the road (and if you know where I live, it isnt that big of a deal) and whip a U'ey and head to the store. I need a large capuccino. STAT. Once again....another car trip and another reason as to why my children are driving me to drink.