Pregnancy Drama part.....whatever.....

As I stated before, I hate being pregnant. Sorry, I know there are many many people out there who cannot have children and I should be happy that I am one of them who can. I have a very dear friend who has adopted 2 great kids because she is unable to have her own, and I know from listening to her and being her friend, how frusterating and hurtful it is for her to not be able to have a baby of her own. That makes me feel extrememly selfish when I say yet again, I hate being pregnant.

Ok, sooooo rewind a few weeks ago when I landed in the hospital with some bleeding (that they never determined where it was coming from) and blood pressure issues. Actually, rewind even farther back then that to 2002 when I had Piper and had no problems at all during that pregnancy.

Sidebar: I didnt like that pregnancy much either.

So now fastforward back to 2009.....starting with morning sickness for the first 4 months. Actually, lets go morning, noon and night sickness. I never got to the point where I was puking my guts out, but I think it might have helped if I had. I really like how people judge your level of sickness based on if your puke or not......as far as I am concerned, if I cannot look at food or smell pizza without WANTING to puke, I am sick...end o' story.

Now....move into the summer, sickness is gone (thank GOD) but now starts weight gain. LOTS AND LOTS of weight gain. With that comes the aching. Back ache. Ligaments in my stomach stretching.....aching. Boobs aching so the idea of sleeping on my stomach to help relieve some of the strain on my back is out of the question. Even my husband had back pain...well, he had me and if I couldnt sleep...neither was he :-)

So now your up to date....3 weeks ago, spontanously bleeding, blood pressure out of wack and a night in the hospital (with a reallllly bad I.V. line, gotta throw that in there). I found out that the "pressure" I had been having almost daily for several months was contractions (as my Ob nurse sis in law informed me during my hospital stay with a "do you know your contracting every 7-10 minutes?" Ohhhhhhhh.......). Then came bedrest.

Lets talk about bedrest. For starters....I cant last a whole night in my bed when I am sleeping let alone ALL DAY LONG. Really....it isnt possible. I am way to A.D.D. for that. Then, I couldnt get a straight answer out of any nurse or Doctor about what exactly the defination of bed rest was, so I went with my own defination. I took it easy, VERY easy (for me) and spent more time off my feet then on my feet. Occasionally took Piper to school and did some dishes. The rest was up to Shawn (which is why Karen came over to clean on day.....but his intentions are always admirable).

Discharged on Wednesday, ended up back down there Friday afternoon because of SEVERE swelling. I will save the details but lets just say cankles doesnt cover it....not when your thighs, calves and ankles are all the same size. Here is the best part....just one leg....yep...leave it to me to get edema on one side of my body. So, that little adventure (and another 6lbs GAINED between discharge on Wednesday and Friday) lead me to the glory of all pregnancy tests.....the 24 hour urine collection. Yes, I had to pee in a bucket for 24 freaking hours to make sure I didnt have any protein in my urine. I had all the other symptons of pre-eclampsia except protein, so this is the fantastic little test to determine that fact.

Test was negative for protein.

Today....my blood pressure is great now (110/82...YEAH!!), no bleeding HOWEVER (it can never be that easy) now we have protein. Yes, so doc starts asking me all these questions...
1) headaches ......yep....
2) dizziness......yep
3)swellling......DUH
4)vision changes.....yep

Those 4 things, added to blood pressure problems, weight gain and protein in my urine all point to Pre-eclampsia.

Now, I am doing another 24 hour collection (yippee) and I have another ultrasound tomorrow (to make sure little man is still growing ok) and once we know that is going on with those two tests, we will know what path we are taking next. Hopefully, everything looks great and we dont have to do anything.....but there is a possibility of inducing labor early. If we do, it wont be before 36 weeks, so he wont be that early and he shouldnt have to stay in the hospital. Worse comes to worse, I have to deliver him earlier then that, but since I am at 33 weeks now....even if we delivered today...he would stand a good chance of being alright. Probably have to be in the NICU for a few days/week but he would be ok. That, however, is not an option for me.

So while I hate being pregnant, and todays events just simply confirm that in my mind, I would really like to be pregnant a few weeks longer (lord, can not believe I just put that in writing).

My obligatory blog about H1N1/Swiney

Seems like everyone has an opinion about H1n1 and has managed to get it out into the public forum. So why would I be any different? I have an opinion. I always have an opinion.

Maybe that is my point. OPINION. Lets review the defination of OPINION for a moment:

–noun
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2.a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3.the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second medical opinion.
4.Law. the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
5.a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.
6.a favorable estimate; esteem: I haven't much of an opinion of him.

-Courtesty of dictionary.com

Got that part covered, so I shouldnt have to put a disclaimer down that my opinion is my opinion...if you dont like....to bad :-)

Now, on to my topic......the HOT topic, H1N1 aka, SWINE FLU/Swiney.

Ohhhhh...so scary when its called H1N1 but hard to take serious when its called Swine Flu. Maybe that is why everyone is so flipped out about it...it has a technical name now, one that you kinda have to take seriously.

Or it could be because you cannot turn on the television without an update on where the latest exposure is, how many people have died, how many vaccines have been shipped and how far behind they are in producing the remaining 12 billion doses of vaccines.

Or because you cannot look online without finding out if you are in a high risk area (which is the entire United States according to some sites).

Or because you think about getting the shot, try and be smart about it a do some research only to find you are not officially scared shotless and have more questions then you started with.

Regardless....you can run but you cannot hide from Swiney.

I am in several high risk catagories for the flu.....and I am not getting the vaccination.

I repeat I AM NOT GETTING THE VACCINATION.

Why....you may ask...you just said you are high risk for it???

Well, because I do not feel that it is the best decision for me or my family to recieve the vaccination. End of story. I will gladly provide my reasons, but the true fact of the matter is that in any medical situation, you have to do what YOU feel is right for you and your family.

Here are my rational reasons for not getting the vaccination (Yes, they are rational...even my doctor said I was thinking rationally, which is not always my strong point but in this case....I DID IT!!!)

1) I am not comfortable getting a vaccination that I have never utilized before when I am 8 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy (sidebar: I didnt become high risk until 2 weeks ago....blood pressure issues and voila...HIGH RISK.)

2) I have a very strong immune system as I have never gotten the flu, and I have never gotten the flu shot. In all my years of working on the front lines of customer service with alot of face to face contact, I happen to be very blessed with a strong immune system.

3) According to my doctor, Swiney has been in my community for months and months and I have probably already been exposed to it. There have been kids in and out of Piper's class with it (since seasonal hasnt been confirmed at all yet, its all Swiney) which means that she has been exposed, which means that I have been exposed and we are all doing ok. According to him....exposure is one of the best ways to build your immmunity to it.

4) I blow my nose 600 times a day courtesy of a sinus infection and that, apparenlty, is a great way to avoid Swiney :-)

5) The government is only vaccinating people with Medicaid right now. Which I happen to be on (whole seperate blog) but Shawn and Piper are not....so I might as well wait and get vaccinated when they will actually vaccinate BCBS and Medicaid patients.

6) I dont trust the science. Right or wrong, I dont trust it and probably wont until it has been around for 10 years and all side effects and potentional outcomes are documentated. Then I will be able to make a more informed decision. I dont feel I can make a proper determination about this vaccination without knowing the side effects. The CDC has set up tracking of all potentional side effects at major medical centers all over the country....Harvard Medical Center, John Hopkins and the CDC (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,556160,00.html). If they dont know what the side effects may be, how can they honestly promise me that I or my child will not suffer any? They cannot, which isnt their fault (well, yes....it is their fault for rushing it but again, MY OPINION).

7) Isnt it interesting how the main topic on the evening news right again a Swiney update is where we are with the governments public health care? MAYBE there is some push for people to demand better health care and for those who cannot afford it, a public option would be very welcome. Hmmmmm.......

Like I stated above, I always have an opinion and chances are high that my opinion and your opinion do not match. Thats ok....I am all for a spirited debate. And truely, only the first 3 and #6 are the key reasons to my rational decision (and I am sure you can determine why) which again, is all I need.

I hope that you make the correct choice for YOU. That is all each of us can do to protect ourselves and our families. Talk it over with your physician and make an informed, RATIONAL decision.

Plus, its kinda fun to be able to go home to my husband and tell him my doctor thought I was a rational thinker. He didnt believe me :-)

Summer Lessons Learned

Yes, its been several months since I posted to my blog...which happens to be the first and only post I have posted to this blog.

So, I am not a great blogger.....its been kinda crazy.

I could try and bring you up to date with the past 6 months, but its all been a blur that resulted in relocation, time without Piper, extra time with Shawn, time in the hospital when my father in law had a terrible accident with a horse and cart, my own hospitalization for blood pressure issues and my welcoming into the world of "happy pills".

For some reason, reading all that up there it doesnt seem like such a crazy time, but trust me.....it was insane. Instead of trying to catch you up with details, I will just go over what I have learned this summer:

I learned that I live where I want to live, surrounded by the things I want to be surrounded by.

I learned that I made the right decision regarding Piper and the move....she is happier then I have ever seen her before, it makes everything worth it.

I found out that just because a mother is away from her child for an extended period of time, it doesnt mean she isnt still in "mom mode".

I found out a good alternative to "mom mode" is "wife mode".

I learned that I do need my parents, in my daily life, however much I pretend I dont.

I learned that I dont need my parents in my daily life, however I do want them there.

I found out that being the ranchers wife involves making runs to town for parts that I cannot pronounce, for equipment that I dont know what it does, at the store I have no idea where its located. Twice because I got the wrong part the first time.

I found out that the ranchers wife spends alot of time alone.

I learned that 8 year old Irish Setters will be great big brothers to 8 month old Australian Cattle/Border collie dogs.

I found out that I really dont like being pregnant.

I can survive the pregnancy because do love the results.

I learned that when mules are bored or mad, they will break stuff. By stuff I mean barn doors (4 this summer), fences (wooden and metal, one of each), and whatever else happens to be between them and where they want to be.

I learned that they created happy pills for a reason. That reason this summer was me :-)

I learned that the cow dog will dig holes all over your front yard if you dont let him go chase the cows.

I also learned that the cow dog is very, very smart and listens so well that after being told a few times not to leave the yard, he will have to be dragged across the road to go chase the cows.

I learned that I dont have control over everything, that I never will have control and I have to learn to let things go. I am getting better at it, but as always, I am a work in progress.

I know that home is where your heart is, and my heart is safely in the sandhills. With Shawn, and Piper, our baby boy, a couple of crazy dogs, the horses and a couple hundred cows.